My acting exercise last night was so powerful to me and I wanted to share. Hope you enjoy.
I step into the center and embrace my inner 5-year old by playing double dutch, dancing, primping, and giggling. I shift into my Actors Fear, slow at first, but found my truth quickly and through tears released "I don't know how to do it!" "I'm not worthy!" "Are you sure it's me?". I was crying so hard and real that all I could do was recall the action of a cat cleaning themselves as I fell to my knees. So I move into my Animal, still crying and displaying cat like actions. As I come out to Conquer my fear I begin licking my wounds and stroking my face with my paws. Trying to comfort myself, rubbing my head against my shoulders, still clearing my tears with my paws. I'm growing stronger and I begin to fight and swat my claws at the cats circling me and meowing with a loud streak-like sound. Similar to a mate call when in heat and ready to birth something inside of me. As I move into my Triumph I begin to swat less and I want to share my triumph with the other cats. I approach them cautiously, inquisitively, scared to make eye contact, then move in to rub my head against theirs and meow my love to them. I pass by several cats and share more meows with the ones my heart is purring towards. They rub heads back and I notice other cats wanting, waiting to rub heads but I pass by...its not time for that yet. I begin to WIN as I stand to my feet and twirl, crying continually with my hands raised to the sky. I see through the ceiling of the building confining me and raise my hands to the sky, twirling and crying and smiling saying "Thank You, Thank You!". One hand raised after the other, twirling, "Thank You!" twirling, crying, "Thank You!" smiling, embracing this moment. "Thank You, I know I can do it with you!"
It felt so great and free to love and live in that moment. I thought I was coming to portray a Lion which represents a mature, strong, bold, conquering, powerful feline. But what I realized is I'm a cub and yet I still displayed strength, power, boldness, and I conquered. Praise God for this epiphany and the direct relation to my spiritual life not just my artistic life. I can embrace my cub and be bold as I grow into the Lioness He created me to be. Thank you for the freedom to release in a public forum.
Peace yall!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The Script of My Life
The more I allow myself to dream and see where my career as an actress can go, the more I have to be realistic about the industry I work in. My transition into Film and TV has had one major roadblock besides the slothfulness previous mentioned... and its NUDITY!!! Now I'm not saying everything on the screen has to have sex and nudity but why does everything have to have sex and nudity LOL!?!? I've submitted myself for short films, student films, and such with slim pickings for roles that don't contain nudity, implied nudity or some dark demonic character (which is what every other project is about...vampires and demons). Profanity even challenges me from time to time but my acting coach helped me to understand it a bit. Even more so, after a heated discussion with other Christian actors I've come to more revelation.
It's no secret that I'm a Christian and to most who knew me before I was saved it's also no secret that I had a lot of challenges and still do. Most of us born-again Christians have come from some darkness or else we wouldn't be "born again". Keeping in mind what I've been delivered from I see portraying my old character in a project as an opportunity to shine light. The roles of a promiscuous, naive, insecure, untrusting, defensive, lust-filled, potty mouth, scantily clad dressed, abandoned and unloved young woman are in the majority of the projects out there. The dark behavior of these characters depict me at various points in my life. To get it in my head that I'm saved, I can't do this because I'm saved and God won't approve is very limited thinking. The idea that "I could bring realness to a character and tell not just my story but the story of pretty much every young girl out there who isn't saving herself for purity or battling some other evil" is the bigger picture. Don't misunderstand, I'm not about to jump out the box butt naked and just getting it in on camera, but this does open me up a bit more to consider roles. I have to pray over every opportunity and be sure it is of God's purpose before moving forward.
I work with young woman three days a week here in NYC and see them on the streets everyday, even observe the young woman in my family. These roles of nudity, sex, drugs, abusive/unhealthy relationships and so on are in most projects because it's the reality they walk in everyday. Society is drawn to these projects because they can relate unfortunately. I would love to bring light to their darkness and have a character find God at the end of her troubles. Even if the script isn't written that way, I have a platform to talk about a character I might play and how that translates to real life and still get God's light in there. Interviews, blogs, tweets, however... I'm gonna get some light up in this industry. This is a vision I have and God willing it'll happen. The script of my life is all up in some of these projects and I want a piece of it to have my story told the right way...Your story too!
Peace yall!
It's no secret that I'm a Christian and to most who knew me before I was saved it's also no secret that I had a lot of challenges and still do. Most of us born-again Christians have come from some darkness or else we wouldn't be "born again". Keeping in mind what I've been delivered from I see portraying my old character in a project as an opportunity to shine light. The roles of a promiscuous, naive, insecure, untrusting, defensive, lust-filled, potty mouth, scantily clad dressed, abandoned and unloved young woman are in the majority of the projects out there. The dark behavior of these characters depict me at various points in my life. To get it in my head that I'm saved, I can't do this because I'm saved and God won't approve is very limited thinking. The idea that "I could bring realness to a character and tell not just my story but the story of pretty much every young girl out there who isn't saving herself for purity or battling some other evil" is the bigger picture. Don't misunderstand, I'm not about to jump out the box butt naked and just getting it in on camera, but this does open me up a bit more to consider roles. I have to pray over every opportunity and be sure it is of God's purpose before moving forward.
I work with young woman three days a week here in NYC and see them on the streets everyday, even observe the young woman in my family. These roles of nudity, sex, drugs, abusive/unhealthy relationships and so on are in most projects because it's the reality they walk in everyday. Society is drawn to these projects because they can relate unfortunately. I would love to bring light to their darkness and have a character find God at the end of her troubles. Even if the script isn't written that way, I have a platform to talk about a character I might play and how that translates to real life and still get God's light in there. Interviews, blogs, tweets, however... I'm gonna get some light up in this industry. This is a vision I have and God willing it'll happen. The script of my life is all up in some of these projects and I want a piece of it to have my story told the right way...Your story too!
Peace yall!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Actor's Favor
I've been calling for increase in my life, mostly in my career during this new season I'm in. First I had to give myself permission to dream and expect more because I've had the mindset that I should be humble and content and stay here where God has me. Once I got over that hurdle I begin to believe that I deserved more and begin asking for it. I prayed for two specific auditions I attended. I went all the way through to being put on hold for the biggest one I wanted and got released in the final hours. I went back and forth like a mad woman in my head. "BJ don't be disappointed if you don't get it, God will set up something bigger." " No wait, BJ you deserve this, you've been obedient God has this for you, its yours, so walk in it now." Just craziness back and forth with doubting that I could get it and telling myself I deserve it. I didn't allow myself to sit in pity when I didn't book it and held on to the teachings that God has 3 answers when we request something; "Yes" "Not Yet" and "I have better in store for you". So I let it go and moved on with life, still requesting increase in my career and what did I need to do to get it. I was softly telling myself that I must not have booked the audition because God still wants to teach me something or there's something I'm doing wrong. And I know better than that because God doesn't work that way, He will bless you in the midst of teaching you a lesson because He loves you that much. Moving on to the point of this entry called The Actor's Favor.
I'm writing in my morning pages and realize that I've already received the increase that I've been praying about. I've been nervously entertaining the idea of joining the union to get more bucks for my bang in the commercial world. Telling myself that I won't get the Film/TV opportunities unless I shift my focus off of the hustle and bustle of commercial auditions and put the energy elsewhere. But in my writing I remembered I have 3 film opportunities on the table and I didn't have to shift my focus completely off commercials, which is my bread and butter. His Favor! More than that, I had to check myself because I've been getting antsy about increase thinking my career has been "slow". True I may not be shooting 2-3 times a week like I used to but I'm still working and if that's not increase, than BJ what the heck is your definition??? His Favor! For as much as I've been praying and desiring to "transition into the Film/TV world", and sometimes getting impatient with God, I have barely lifted a finger to be prepared for that increase, but yet I've still received His Favor. I don't say this to brag, I say this because here I sit getting impatient and losing hope when I haven't recited my monologues since the summer, still ain't printed a professional headshot, barely taking classes to sharpen my instrument but yet I'm calling for increase. I take that chin check all the way cuz I've got some nerve.
I consider it nothing but His Favor over me that my career is moving forward in spite of my slothfulness in business (Romans 12:11 KJV). Let me take it a step further since I'm talking about the increase I've been asking for. I prayed after writing my morning pages and God checked me some more. He's been increasing me in every area of my life and I've had the small mind to only focus on the increase I've wanted in my career. How about the increase in knowledge, health, family relationships, friends, and so on. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, I'm grateful to settle HERE with my eyes open to see where I'm standing right now and recognize what the Lord has done for me.
To all you creatives: I'm sure if you look at your life you will see The Actor's Favor on you too. I hope you do, if not, get ready for a chin check from God cuz it's coming. I humbly accept my correction and say Thank you for Favor!
Peace yall!
I'm writing in my morning pages and realize that I've already received the increase that I've been praying about. I've been nervously entertaining the idea of joining the union to get more bucks for my bang in the commercial world. Telling myself that I won't get the Film/TV opportunities unless I shift my focus off of the hustle and bustle of commercial auditions and put the energy elsewhere. But in my writing I remembered I have 3 film opportunities on the table and I didn't have to shift my focus completely off commercials, which is my bread and butter. His Favor! More than that, I had to check myself because I've been getting antsy about increase thinking my career has been "slow". True I may not be shooting 2-3 times a week like I used to but I'm still working and if that's not increase, than BJ what the heck is your definition??? His Favor! For as much as I've been praying and desiring to "transition into the Film/TV world", and sometimes getting impatient with God, I have barely lifted a finger to be prepared for that increase, but yet I've still received His Favor. I don't say this to brag, I say this because here I sit getting impatient and losing hope when I haven't recited my monologues since the summer, still ain't printed a professional headshot, barely taking classes to sharpen my instrument but yet I'm calling for increase. I take that chin check all the way cuz I've got some nerve.
I consider it nothing but His Favor over me that my career is moving forward in spite of my slothfulness in business (Romans 12:11 KJV). Let me take it a step further since I'm talking about the increase I've been asking for. I prayed after writing my morning pages and God checked me some more. He's been increasing me in every area of my life and I've had the small mind to only focus on the increase I've wanted in my career. How about the increase in knowledge, health, family relationships, friends, and so on. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, I'm grateful to settle HERE with my eyes open to see where I'm standing right now and recognize what the Lord has done for me.
To all you creatives: I'm sure if you look at your life you will see The Actor's Favor on you too. I hope you do, if not, get ready for a chin check from God cuz it's coming. I humbly accept my correction and say Thank you for Favor!
Peace yall!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
See the Unseen
It can be so easy to get down about life if things aren't going as planned and you're in the midst of a challenge, IF you don't have Faith. I walk in Faith by seeking the positive or lesson in every circumstance. When I discover this I can't help but find a peace for the situation and trust that its God's hand over my life. I can then begin to see what I need to see, not what I want to see or what my small mind has assessed as true.
When you walk by Faith and not by sight, you look pass what's around you and look to the promises of God. You trust that regardless of what it looks like now that you'll come through it. You may suffer a bit but when you have Faith you know you'll get through it and just stand on patience. When you walk by Faith and not what you see, you don't give temporary circumstances or people power over you. When you begin to understand who's in your life for a reason or a season, and who's there for a lifetime you will move accordingly and give your energy to each as you ought. When you walk on Faith you believe what God says is true about you and not the lies the enemy tries to speak into you. Or even the things you've allowed yourself to believe because of temporary circumstances. When you walk by Faith and not by sight, you walk in a joy that isn't possible if you're only focused on what you can see. We're disappointed daily, hourly, by the second even, with the people and circumstances in our lives. If that's all you base your worth on and measure yourself accordingly, your value will be very limited. We weren't created to depend on man, we were created to depend on God and love and forgive man as God has done to us. We have to walk by Faith and not by everyday circumstances. Look higher than the pain in your life and see healing. Dream bigger than the opportunity in front of you and trust that you deserve it. Keep trying in spite of the numerous failed attempts. Know that a stumbling block can become a stepping stone or a breakdown can become a breakthrough if you have Faith.
There's greatness in each and everyone of us, but we have to know that God has that for us and walk in it with boldness. You have to know what God says about you and what He is promising for your life. I encourage yall to spend quiet time asking God what His promises are for you, how does He define you, what does He say about your current circumstances. Then choose to walk on Faith and no matter what it looks like right now trust that each day is a new day with a new opportunity to see things differently.
I'm grateful for the encouragers in my life and the promises I know God has for me. I want to be an encouragement to you to seek your promises. It's a world of a different color when you begin to understand your purposes. I want this feeling for everyone. Walk by Faith, Not by Sight! See the Unseen and Believe its yours!
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
Friday, December 23, 2011
Blessin in the Lesson
I was driving down the highway, steady reflecting on the past few months. I realized that by always saying "blessings" and how grateful I am to God it may seem that I'm walking on sunshine. While I am walking in God's light, I felt the need to clarify what blessings are to me.
I believe the ups and downs of life are gifts from God. For some of us, challenges and trials are the only way we can get stuff through our thick skulls. Actually the majority of the time when I'm talking about a blessing lately its been based around a challenge that God is bringing me through. Its not because I just won the lottery or somebody got me a really great present or anything material or insignificant in the eyes of the Lord and certainly not to brag about how wonderful my life is. Not to say He hasn't been a consistent provider but I feel so blessed to be moving to the other side of so many life lessons that I can't help but see the great in that.
I'm not knocking anyone who praises for the good stuff because we ought to say thank you. But I know that we also ought to say Thank You and Thank You for being delivered from unhealthy friendships, unGodly relationships, stressful job situations, family drama, illness, or for just simply getting a sense of conviction when we know we've done wrong and learned a lesson. I'm always grateful for the opportunities I receive but I strive towards spiritual maturity which is a never ending journey. I pray that this thick skull will soften more and more to just be obedient the first time around. I'm so glad for the Blessings in the Lessons and will continually humble myself to be a student under the wisest teacher I know. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
I believe the ups and downs of life are gifts from God. For some of us, challenges and trials are the only way we can get stuff through our thick skulls. Actually the majority of the time when I'm talking about a blessing lately its been based around a challenge that God is bringing me through. Its not because I just won the lottery or somebody got me a really great present or anything material or insignificant in the eyes of the Lord and certainly not to brag about how wonderful my life is. Not to say He hasn't been a consistent provider but I feel so blessed to be moving to the other side of so many life lessons that I can't help but see the great in that.
I'm not knocking anyone who praises for the good stuff because we ought to say thank you. But I know that we also ought to say Thank You and Thank You for being delivered from unhealthy friendships, unGodly relationships, stressful job situations, family drama, illness, or for just simply getting a sense of conviction when we know we've done wrong and learned a lesson. I'm always grateful for the opportunities I receive but I strive towards spiritual maturity which is a never ending journey. I pray that this thick skull will soften more and more to just be obedient the first time around. I'm so glad for the Blessings in the Lessons and will continually humble myself to be a student under the wisest teacher I know. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
My Christmas List
It's been such a busy somewhat chaotic but blessed two months that I've had very little time to do simple things. That includes blog, read anything other than a daily proverb and devotion, complete Christmas cards, clean up, and sometimes I felt I barely had time to breathe in between blessings. As Christmas approached I couldn't feel the Holiday spirit. I guess because of the lack of preparation for the earthly things that make it feel like Christmas, like shopping, xmas trees, parties, and so on. I'm so grateful to get a nudge from God that you are in the Holiday spirit and you've already been giving and receiving so open your eyes.
Instead of having a list of things I want I'll share with you the list of some things I've received even before Christmas has arrived:
- new girlfriends, Christian sisters and sincere woman who began loving me from the moment we met. They're teaching me how to love other woman in my life as they love me.
- an amazing blossoming relationship with my Baby Sis in addition to a spiritual connection with her, Praise God!
- a continuous image of the qualities my husband will and must possess by placing strong God-fearing Black men around me as examples.
- answered prayers of good reports on health with family all over and even more so an improved healthy state within me! Hallelujah!!!
- encouragement to reach for those dreams that seem unattainable by placing positive like minded creatives in my life.
- a softening heart to pause for others and pray and a desire to decrease myself and let God lead me.
- I feel so blessed to have a heart for the youth and those young people are like my children. My heart feels for each of them and its a true gift to be able to serve God through preparing our future leaders and say-sowers of the world.
- a deeper understanding of my purposes and clarity on how to fulfill them and allow God's will to be done.
- the biggest gift I received is the trust and belief I have in the Lord, they grow more everyday with each lesson and blessing. God did that, He gave me that trust by working on me even when I didn't know it and preparing my heart and mind. I'm beyond grateful to have life with Him in it and wouldn't trade it for my old life for a second.
- oh there's another gift, Salvation! The blessing of life after this one, to be re-united with my loved ones in Heaven. I believe that I will touch the face of my mother again one day and my Granny, Grandpa and Auntie too. If this life is simply preparation for a more abundant one to come, Man Oh Man, its gonna be good... GOOD!!!
Praise you God for all you've done for me and all that you are! This is already the most blessed Christmas I've known and I can't wait to see what December 25th will bring. Thank you Thank you Thank you! So ready to celebrate the bornday of Jesus Christ...if it wasn't for Him...
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
These 3 Words
Good Morning Beautiful People. I want to encourage yall to send praises today. I know some of us don't feel we know how to pray or praise God. Be encouraged that a simple "Thank You God" is the sweetest praise to Him. So if you've been blessed in anyway or trust that you're going to blessed in the future, open your mouth any day, all day, anytime and just say "Thank you God". We all have the gift of life if you're reading this among others things like the device you're using. Give God praise for all He has done for you. Amen!
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
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