It's been a month and two days since my last post and I've been seeking inspiration but the words just haven't come to me. Well that's not totally true but the words that did come to me over the past month were too intimate or too deep to share via blog. What can I say about the month of November? I'll just spit out some words: God, Love, Honesty, Sisterhood, Fellowship, Hurtful Truths, Epiphany, More Illness, Passion, Insight, Knowledge, Testimony, and JOY.
This has been such a bayooteefull month. I attended the spiritual retreat with my great aunt and other elders and gained so much knowledge about God and life and what our elderly Black woman experienced with love, illness, career, family and more when they were my age. It gave me great insight and hope for my future while shedding light on some hurtful truths I need to deal with. On November 18, I recognized the two year mark of mothers passing. It was a happy day because I have so many great memories and a Godly peace came over me that didn't allow me to feel sadness. I understand that all things have a purpose and there are so many reasons why she is not here today is the physical but she is truly here in the spirit and lives through me. I have battled with strep throat once again but it was different this month. I was so upset and scared that it had come back yet a third time that I began to cry and pray and rock all balled up like a baby. I said to God "I don't understand this and I'm making peace with the stressful things in my life and I'm trusting you and doing what you say so why am I sick again? What else are you trying to teach me through illness?". At that moment I was so afraid and had no clue what to do and then my Aunt Mary (great aunt) called and reminded to tap into my lessons from the mountain retreat, "Stay Christ-centered and Christ-focused" she says. I only suffered through one day of that sickness and I am amazed at how quickly God turned that thing around once I gave it over to him. Amen! On to something better...Love... no I'll save that for last, lets talk about career. I didn't give up on the model/acting world after all. After asking one of the sisters on the retreat "How do I succeed in this industry and still please God? I just don't think the two are possible." She said "Stick with it, you never know you may be the only thing of God some of these industry people see. God's trying to show you something." I'm still figuring this one out but Ive been much more patient with myself and this industry. Not allowing the pressure of booking the audition to eat me alive and taking it one day at a time. I also signed on for some extracurricular activities to keep me active and take my mind off things. I'll be part of the leadership team for the next round of acting workshops for Actors In Christ and I start my first volunteer assignment tomorrow reading to kids in Harlem while their parents attend classes to better themselves. Moving on to friendships, Ive mended a bad wound and Sister girl and I are working on the healing everyday. We still haven't figured out our purposes in eachs other lives and perhaps the purpose is just to be in each others lives whether it be through loving or fighting each other (wink wink to her). And of course, Thanksgiving was this month and my youngest niece turned two. It was a fun filled day and those girls never fail to amaze me with their huge personalities and new words. They remind me so much of me and my two sisters growing up, its like a real live flashback. Hugs!!!
Ok, so I think that covers everything or at least a lot about whats been up with me and what God has been doing with this soul of mine. As for love, I will only say that its brewing (huge Julia Roberts all teeth showing smile). I feel like I'm getting my Mojo back and plan to get this blog rolling again. Hope you all had an amazing Turkey Day and gave thanks. But really we should all be giving thanks everyday all day for the wonderfulness of our lives even on the dark days, especially on the dark days.