Tuesday, November 27, 2012
This new journey of life has been so humbling, revelation flowing, spiritually growing, emotional, and a purely joyful occasion. Saying "yes" to becoming his wife has opened the door for God to do so much in me. I have no clue what's ahead but I'm so amazed at the awareness I have about purpose and Gods hand in everything I do. If all this was just to teach me the lessons of the past 7 months that would be enough. But I know there's even greater ahead and He is preparing me so I say "Eyes be ready yall!" LOL!
- BJ Gianni
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
- BJ Gianni
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
I sit and think about these things and what people say and my only response is "who would I be if I weren't in Christ?". Anything good that people see in me isn't of my own mind and doing. I am by habit judgmental, angry, critical, selfish, competitive, defensive and more. But the God in me, softens all this and makes me want to do things differently. When I judge and get critical, I'm reminded that God didn't judge and punish me according to what I did. When I'm angry and defensive, I'm reminded that my correction comes from the Lord and so does my definition, so just block out the haters. When I'm selfish or competitive, I'm reminded to do for others as God has done for me time and time again.
When folks label me as "too churchy" I have to laugh and not take it personal. I know for some its hard to process right now because they haven't reached their own reverence for God and His awesome hand in their lives. He's with them but they just can't see Him yet, their enlightenment will come. For those who serve a different God or no God at all and judge me, it doesn't make my God any less powerful because of your bashing. For those who can't let go of the old me and accept that God is the real deal for me and not for show...well maybe God hasn't revealed Himself to them as He has to me. I have testimony upon testimony of God's turnaround and love in my life. If it weren't for Him I'd be such the opposite of anything I am today. Current day God is taking me through some things and correcting my shortcomings. Its been most challenging for those who only know me after salvation and can't believe some of the "mess" I'm in. Even they have labeled me to be a perfect "incapable of mistakes" saint. They can't begin to process where I used to be before Christ and without ill intentions, they judge.
Let them describe me and I'm a celibate, only marrying a Pastor, never saying a curse word, rich and always working, don't ever get rejection, totally perfect Christian. This woman just doesn't exist or at least not in me anyway. I am far from perfect and I'm not too churchy. Where would I be if it weren't for God? If I didn't hang on Gods word how much "mess" from my past would I still be standing in? If I didn't profess my love of Christ and how awesome God is, wouldn't that be the phony BJ as opposed to the too churchy BJ that folks think is phony? You can't go through this stuff and not wanna tell everyone how good He is. You just can't!!!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Got an audition, arrive at audition, my name wasn't on the list, girl at front desk not super cooperative. Agent says he emailed client, I'm telling the girl, and waiting waiting and waiting. I text back and forth with my agent, other actors are signing in making my wait time even longer and more waiting. I'm thinking "I barely had the damn money to get to this audition and now they ain't gonna see me? Oh Heck No!!!". Finally as I'm almost to tears with frustration and ready to just leave regardless of what the casting directors says, two things happen.
Another agent rings my cell and I answer quickly cuz they never call unless its important. As I hear my agent say "You booked ***!", I hear the girl say "the casting director would like to speak with you". Huh?!?! In the middle of this busy audition and while my agent is giving me booking details... Uh OK! "Please hold!" The casting director proceeds to explain why she can't see me today and to come back tomorrow and she'd be glad to audition me. [Sidenote: In the very very back of my mind I was like "Really? If you stopped the casting to call me in personally and explain, than you could've just auditioned me lady" but that's called favor. A personal explanation given by a super busy woman who didn't have to do anything but say NO!]
In the front of my mind all I could hear was my internal praises to God for stopping me from plummeting even further into my trials. I still wanted to cry after I thanked the lady for her explanation because I really didn't have the funds for this. But my tears shifted from frustration to praise in a split second. [Sidenote: its been almost two months since I booked a gig and as an actress, you don't book, you don't get paid. Just so yall understand my frustration.]
My conclusion from today's lesson is that there is definitely a season in need of ending and one in need of beginning. But its really not the season of family versus career. This season of unbelief and doubt in God's provision and protection needs to roll out. I need to embrace a new season that perseveres, believes in His promises, doesn't waver, doesn't entertain doubt. I need to remember previous seasons of His covering and how I got through just fine, even when I thought I'd hit rock bottom.
So I choose to believe that I didn't spend money I couldn't spare on a stupid casting. Rather, I was obedient to God's nudging to go through today's lesson and the reward was so much more than the cost. I had this gut feeling since yesterday that this casting would be drama and I almost didn't go and God would have ALMOST blessed me with this revelation. There's always a Blessin in the Lesson!
"Lord, I believe! Help me with my unbelief" Mark 9:24 (NKJV)
Friday, August 3, 2012
Real Talk: My biggest stronghold (as I believe it to be today) is Shame! I think bigger than pride or anger, my shame over decisions I've been making lately has consumed me. This is a stronghold because in my mind the things I've done and my resulting circumstances were so bad that I believed God couldn't fix them. I placed my guilt and shame above the power of God to redeem and deliver me. As if redemption and deliverance are a one time get out of jail free card with God. But Hallelujah! Thank the Lord that ain't how it works. Here me clearly, I'm not proud of disappointments to God in my life but I'm grateful to see His mercy present in my circumstances. What's incredible is how His truth, promises and love for me are breaking me free of this yucky stronghold called Shame because HE IS BIGGER THAN MY CIRCUMSTANCES.
Reading Gods Word and praying specifically to those promises has been revitalizing. One of my fav scriptures ever is "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Not because its a free pass to sin and act a fool but because He already knew all this would happen. And He still loves unconditionally and said He would never leave me nor forsake me. Praises to the Most High God!
We all fall down, but the amazing and true testimony begins when we get back up and allow God to love us through it!
"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalms 34:18
Saturday, July 14, 2012
In February 2012, the Pastor of my church in Maryland gave me the green light to use their facility and offered to cover travel expenses for me to start my business. I still sat on my dream and doubt ate away at me. In March, while walking to church in NJ I had an amazing talk with God about starting the youth acting workshop. Up until this point I had only thought about teaching kids how to act and had no real vision for how to develop the workshop. God dropped some nuggets into my spirit during that walk, I was blown away. I could not get to church fast enough to write down the vision and make it plain. Then God spoke further through Pastor's sermon about the Abundant Life and how to take what God gave you and use it. He confirmed the age range, the pricing (which I lowered because of doubt and later proved to still be selling myself too short), and all the youth requirements for participating. He said I needed to create an official proposal to present to locations and be decent and in order. There was so much more and I was on fire but still I sat on my dream and more doubt set in.
In May, I attended a woman's retreat and I think God just about had enough of me and my doubting Him. As soon as I sat on the bus a lady sat next to me and we quickly started our fellowship. She shared a lot with me but as I listened to her pour out her burdens I kept hearing her say that she and her boyfriend just signed their teenage daughters up for a scouting cruise with BARBIZON (this should be a curse word, a dirty little curse word!) for... hold your seats...$3500 each! I was flipping in my spirit with rage over this scandal of an offer she was locked into. (Sidenote: God's divine appointment is so awesome. He sat that sister next to an aspiring youth acting instructor so she could share that testimony and light a fire under my butt.) Moving on, all I kept thinking was this scam agency has placed their value at $3500 per youth and I have the nerve to question God's confirmation about my value and the value of the services I'm offering to folks. Yeah I got some nerve!!! I got my buns home from that retreat, dusted off my notes, updated my flyers and got to Facebooking, Tweeting, texting and emailing folks to sign up for my first youth acting workshop.
The divine silver lining in all this was that God's timing can't be matched by us moving ahead of or behind His will for our lives. When I went to update the flyer from a workshop I did 7 years ago, the date of that previous workshop was one day off from the day that God confirmed this new workshop to start. It was like a took a 7 year hiatus and God took me through all these events to be prepared for such a time as this. I successfully completed my first four week workshop last week. Bonus: I got the sister from the retreat to sign up her daughter and niece and now I'm steering them on the right track with their career and will stand in the wings to protect them from further scandals. God is so friggin awesome and while I may have doubted what He told me to do repeatedly, He came back for me repeatedly! It's hard for me to process financial challenges at times because I've always had multiple revenue streams and have never been afraid of hard work or multiple jobs. I got so complacent over the years and I'm so glad I got my mojo back. Thanks to the G-O-D!
I'm learning the high standards I set for other people aren't always the standards that I even live up to. We can be great motivators to "do right" but fall short of taking our own "Miss Know it All" advice. For me, I'm learning that in my passion to prevent others from repeating my mistakes I can come off a bit Holier than Thou. Learning to let people be themselves and not judge or compare as we grow is the ultimate goal of God's Agape love.
It's also important to recognize when people aren't letting us be our less than perfect selves when they judge us for shortcomings they didn't think we had and not beat ourselves up about their comments. Comes with the territory though. Some say leaders are always held to a higher level of scrutiny and surely as Christians we're called to live under a higher standard. Some people label me as a Proverbs 31 woman and I humbly appreciate them and recognize that I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman but I'm not yet. But I will continue striving for that Proverbs 31 status by allowing God to work in me and the rest will come.
Friday, July 13, 2012
In 20 years I'll be 51 years old. wow that's a lot of years. I think I'd still live in New York or at least travel to New York often for work but maybe live in a warm place near water like Barbados or even Miami permanently. I pray to still be faithful to God and wake each morning to pray to Him and read the Bible but maybe it will be different because we get wiser with time and life experiences so I hope to have a better understanding of God and His plan for me at 51. I've always been an early bird so I'll probably still wake up early with or without an alarm clock. By then I hope to have a husband and kids so they will be waking me up in the morning. I don't know much about my house but I do know it will have one empty room with mirrors and music for dancing. I love to dance and just enjoy music so I will have a dance studio for me and my kids to just dance around and be joyful in. God willing my Father will still be alive and healthy so maybe he'll live with us and I'd love to still be able to have talks with him and sit down and laugh like we always do. As for my career, I will still be an actress working on big movies and shows so I will be headed to work soon for a long day on the set of my next movie.
I'm on the mark with some of these expectations and I'm confident the rest will come. So grateful for growth and hiccups in my path. By the grace of God I will have the abundant life He promised and this peek into the future will be on the smaller end of what He will actually bless me to experience within 20 years. Peace yall!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
The love that filled her heart to stay alongside him until the very end was a love that only comes from taking on God's heart. The forgiveness, repentance, confession and transformation that he experienced is evidence of the healing power of Christ and His gift of salvation on the Cross. Even the softening of the father of one of the murder victims' heart was evidence of the true forgiveness God calls us all too just as He forgave us. To see the movie close with the father kneeling for prayer in the church alongside the sister who shared a Godly love with the murderer of his child was so powerful.
But let me back up and say the most powerful message to me was that the Lord our God in real life is capable of and will save a sinner like this character. He was a murderer and a rapist among other things. So if the Lord can save him, forgive him, love him and offer him a seat in Heaven, how much more does He love me, forgive me, has given me salvation and is holding my seat and yours? And that's not to say that any one sin is greater than the other. But sometimes its hard for us to accept God's love when we hold ourselves guilty (condemnation) for what we've done. We don't feel deserving of a love as powerful and unconditional as the love of Christ. But I'm telling you its true and its for you and me and anyone who accepts the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior.
I love the Lord with all my heart and at 4am in the morning I'm so grateful to have this reminder in the midst of my insomnia. Hope it'll remind you too.
- BJ Gianni
Thursday, May 24, 2012
I'll make this next part short to get to the good stuff. They agree to make me a new patient, squeeze me in that day for a check-up and schedule a follow-up for the following week. I thought it was great and I was moved by the fact that its a ministry clinic that groups medical care with spiritual encouragement. They have mini bibles and books about purity, God, Sex, love and relationships that they hand out. They even have checklist questions about your salvation as part of procedure. Hallelujah God, people getting saved at the doctors office.
My icing on this cake was at my follow-up yesterday when I reached in to hug my nurse. Although this was my second time in her presence, I felt so much in the presence of family and couldn't wait to hug her before leaving the office. When I did, she squeezed me tighter and began to pray over me. I fell in line instantly and begin praising God in agreement with her prayer. I am so tickled and in awe at the boldness God places in a complete stranger to speak His words over me just by going in for a hug. It was like God appointed her to be there at that moment and pour into me. Did I mention we were still in the doctors office...like the patient room... Hallelujah! That man is everywhere! He reveals Himself more clearly to me at times and I'm so thrilled that I had to share. God Is Everywhere for all of us at all times. May your eyes be opened today to see Him!
- BJ Gianni
Saturday, May 12, 2012
- BJ Gianni
Friday, April 6, 2012
"Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6 (King James Version)
Sunday, March 11, 2012
- I'm so excited about the roots being planted in my new church home and I get more confirmation each week that Community Baptist is home. Yet I still feel at home when I'm in DC too, so I'm settling into having a home at each location and growing stronger with the church communities.
- I'm still exhausted with relational challenges in the ministries I serve on and with friendships. But really learning to accept people as they are and just be myself as well is all I can do, God has to do the correcting in me and them. I leave for Atlanta tomorrow and I trust that I wont return the same after this leadership conference. Going to let those folks pour knowledge and encouragement into me to strengthen me for my new season.
- Financially, I've been very conservative, pinching pennies more than usual since paid work is slow. Got some new business plans on the horizon and even today I received encouragement to pray, with expectation, bigger to God that He use the talents within me to generate revenue. I've been sharing my talents for free forever and understanding that I'm valuable and my time is deserving of a price tag feels great. Talking out my business plan with the Head Man in Charge and letting Him be my advisor, my board, my trustee, my shareholder and partner is so fulfilling.
- This little heart of mine is still mending yet still hopeful for new love to sprout in the seasons to come. I want total healing so I don't go into a relationship with baggage, brokenness or fear. I'm learning to trust more, be encouraged by my Brothers in Christ and take mental notes of the desirable characteristics. Im in admiration of some of the marriages God has placed in my presence but in a healthy way. They give me hope and joy for that kind of Godly relationship and love to be mine one day too.
- Family Life is holding steady. My baby sis got her own spot so I got my apartment all to me lonesome again. My other sis is ready to pop out that baby any second. Still cant believe my nephew will be 21 in a few months, Granny Pants feels a bit old LOL. I place the rest in God's hands to work His way through my family and have His will be done. I'm just gonna keep on praying.
- One of the biggest challenges has been my health and my body. I started to exercise this week for the first time in a while due to injuries. God is a healer so I trust that I'm on a road to recovery and will be back in shape sooner than later. I'm on my second spiritual fast of the year and its been a great cleanser for my body (TMI, I know) and bringing awareness to the crap I eat.
If the young folks were to ask me now, I'd say I'm definitely springing forward into my next journey. I think I'm in limbo somewhere between Fall and Spring. Ironically, my life has been somewhat consistent with the Winter/Spring/Confusion this season of nature has been. I've had the snow days (cold numb moments), rain showers (more crying than I've done in my lifetime), sun beaming days (full of pure joy and inner light shining), windy days (if you didn't hold on I just might have knocked you down on my warpath), and some crisp, clear skies with reasonable climate (just kicking back and going with the flow). I'm truly ready for Spring though, may the new leaves grow and I be planted by the rivers of water to bear much great fruit.
"And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper." Psalm 1:3 (King James Version)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
As I write in my morning pages and begin to let the sorrow come over me I recall Daddy's conversation yesterday with me. He said that all too often we do things and sit with our hand out waiting for our reward. But we don't really know if the service we're doing at that moment will be rewarded with a blessing to come or if we're paying back for a previous blessing received. I heard that deep in my spirit. As I write further, I begin to praise God because I know His favor has been over me for quite some time so let me not go looking for something that's already here and take for granted what I got.
I'm walking in a dream that so many others desire and God has allowed me to be very successful, compensated with money and exposure. Of course, I desire increase in wealth but when I think of what He has given me that could've went to someone else I better just stop right there with the self pity. For every moment of financial stress I entertain, someone is getting evicted, forced to do things against their beliefs to make a buck, bouncing from place to place with no home to call their own, selling themselves short to make a living by any means necessary. All the while, my bills may be late and not paid yet but they will be and the list can go on of what I can potentially take for granted as someone else goes without. So if I never receive another blessing from this day forward, I will praise and serve God to pay back what I've been blessed to receive thus far. Thinking on my Daddy's words I know I'm paying back blessings of previous days when I certainly didn't deserve any of this but He saw fit to bless me anyway.
What have you been blessed with in this life and How can you serve God to pay it back or FORWARD actually?
Saturday, February 25, 2012
This past week or two have been a bundle of occurrences that I've allowed to make me feel my light was dim. [Sidenote: I choose my words carefully because a pure light can't be dimmed by insignificant occurrences but our minds can trick us into believing so.] My patience for others was at an all time low mostly due to physical exhaustion with such a busy schedule. But I began to realize some of my impatience and lack of loving words and actions towards others is more deeply rooted. My previous 40-day fast revealed a lot to me about relationships and I recognized that God is taking me through a season of restoration, transformation, and removal with several relationships in my life. I've had intense conversations to very calm disagreements with folks in this new year and it's all part of this process. Learning to see some of these "attacks" as the tests from God that they truly are is helping me to shake off the frustration and impatience, allowing Him to work through the situation. What I mean is that at first glance it's so easy to look at a relationship challenge and think, "What the heck is wrong that person? I cant believe they did this or said that! Why Me?". And for us Christian folks, we can get all huffed up thinking the enemy is on the move and get so wound up in fighting his attempts that we forget to simply look to God and seek wisdom. I've been grabbing scripture for the circumstances and praying day and night over stuff, thinking "Devil you wont get me this time". What's funny is that now I'm a bit more calm about situations and by allowing God to work it out I see that all He really needed me to do was sit back, shut up and just let my light shine. Even with the relationship challenges I haven't spoken verbally to people, all I have to do is relax and let my light shine. My light being the joy in my heart no matter what the circumstance. My understanding that I'm not fighting these people or what they did but God and I together are fighting the spiritual war going on in these circumstances. My light is a boldness that I walk in confidently speaking what I've been taught and believing its truth. Sometimes I get so worked up in my thinking and praying about trying to put a fire out or stop the enemy from having any power over me that I forget about God...and that aint what I was taught.
I'm learning first and most importantly to just be quiet until He says to speak. In relational matters, the enemy would prefer we respond instantly on our emotions, making a fool of ourselves and of the teachings of God. But we know better. Most times my emotions or need to "fight this battle" disappears by waiting on that wisdom to come before speaking. I see more clearly that it's not a priority and/or worth my energy at all. When He does convict me to move on circumstances, I find myself speaking without angry hurtful words and finding a peace to move on from that challenge whether we agree or agree to disagree.
Relationships have been the theme of my life in this new year and it is exhausting. I mean does anyone really love to debate, argue, talk it out or anything of the sort with a whole bunch of people at once??? I sure don't, but obviously my relationships on every level need some cleansing so God has strapped on His rubber gloves and is getting busy. I welcome this season though because I know ultimately it will serve me in healing from old hurts, hopefully heal someone I may have hurt from past hurts, and release any strongholds on my life with these relationships. I just gotta stay true to what I'm learning and believe what God says about me is true and hear it louder than anyone's voice. My acting coach said "What is there to defend if you're walking in your truth?" and that sums it up. I don't need to be defensive and fight all these battles, my truth will speak for itself and my truth is God and the healing power of His love.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Where I'm at in life right now, actions like kissing, intimate dates, late night phone calls, sharing of intimate life details and others are caution areas. I say this because they lead up to the lust we can gain for that person on the receiving end and I have no intention of proceeding romantically with them, so why entertain or display this behavior. God is making me very aware of my flirty behavior and the mixed messages it can send and even the temptations I can unknowingly be stepping into. Now I'm not saying you cant have heart to hearts and hang out with the opposite sex. I'm stating that I'm evaluating MY strengths and weaknesses as I strive to gain my purity back and making wise decisions around that knowledge. For me, a date can lead to another date which leads to romantic emotions leading to a kiss which leads to more passionate kisses then on to spooning and groping and touching which will lead to sex if I'm not so careful. None of these things were off limits for me in the past and I didn't possess the strength to have a reasonable cut off point that didn't lead to sex. And honestly, what is a reasonable cut off point??? Shall I say to God "I'm just gonna kiss him, let him touch my booty, maybe even go a bit further, but we not gonna have sex so you cant say I sinned!"...Really?! So for me, God is expanding my understanding on this definition of purity and how I treat my body and mandate that others treat it. I'm certainly not passing judgement on anyone who thinks otherwise, just trying to encourage you to give it some thought and evaluate your own situations.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
He is my provider so I don't worry about my needs because my hubby has it under control. He pays my bill, allows me to pamper myself, put this awesome roof over my head, the truck I drive and so much more than just the material things. He is my comforter and confidant so I can go to Him with every intimate detail and cry on His shoulder. He listens and gives great advice, even when I don't want to hear it, so I say He's my best friend. He wrote me a whole book of love letters to remind me of just how much He loves me, I read it each day in this fancy Black leather book. He wraps His loving arms around me at night as we lay together and dream, plus He's right there when I wake up each morning staring in my face saying "Good Morning Beautiful". He pours into me, strengthens and increases me, He wants the best for me and would never attempt to diminish my value and hold me back from greatness. He is my soul mate and I love Him so much.
I realize this may be difficult for some to process but when you truly build a relationship with God and allow Him to do His work in you, you will absolutely fall in love with God. He will treat you better than anyone else can and once you allow Him to complete you, He will give you the desires of your heart. No more broken relationships for me, no thanks. Of course, I desire one day to have an Earthly husband but if he can't bring it like God can than I think I'll pass. Can't nobody give it to me like God can.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
I step into the center and embrace my inner 5-year old by playing double dutch, dancing, primping, and giggling. I shift into my Actors Fear, slow at first, but found my truth quickly and through tears released "I don't know how to do it!" "I'm not worthy!" "Are you sure it's me?". I was crying so hard and real that all I could do was recall the action of a cat cleaning themselves as I fell to my knees. So I move into my Animal, still crying and displaying cat like actions. As I come out to Conquer my fear I begin licking my wounds and stroking my face with my paws. Trying to comfort myself, rubbing my head against my shoulders, still clearing my tears with my paws. I'm growing stronger and I begin to fight and swat my claws at the cats circling me and meowing with a loud streak-like sound. Similar to a mate call when in heat and ready to birth something inside of me. As I move into my Triumph I begin to swat less and I want to share my triumph with the other cats. I approach them cautiously, inquisitively, scared to make eye contact, then move in to rub my head against theirs and meow my love to them. I pass by several cats and share more meows with the ones my heart is purring towards. They rub heads back and I notice other cats wanting, waiting to rub heads but I pass by...its not time for that yet. I begin to WIN as I stand to my feet and twirl, crying continually with my hands raised to the sky. I see through the ceiling of the building confining me and raise my hands to the sky, twirling and crying and smiling saying "Thank You, Thank You!". One hand raised after the other, twirling, "Thank You!" twirling, crying, "Thank You!" smiling, embracing this moment. "Thank You, I know I can do it with you!"
It felt so great and free to love and live in that moment. I thought I was coming to portray a Lion which represents a mature, strong, bold, conquering, powerful feline. But what I realized is I'm a cub and yet I still displayed strength, power, boldness, and I conquered. Praise God for this epiphany and the direct relation to my spiritual life not just my artistic life. I can embrace my cub and be bold as I grow into the Lioness He created me to be. Thank you for the freedom to release in a public forum.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
It's no secret that I'm a Christian and to most who knew me before I was saved it's also no secret that I had a lot of challenges and still do. Most of us born-again Christians have come from some darkness or else we wouldn't be "born again". Keeping in mind what I've been delivered from I see portraying my old character in a project as an opportunity to shine light. The roles of a promiscuous, naive, insecure, untrusting, defensive, lust-filled, potty mouth, scantily clad dressed, abandoned and unloved young woman are in the majority of the projects out there. The dark behavior of these characters depict me at various points in my life. To get it in my head that I'm saved, I can't do this because I'm saved and God won't approve is very limited thinking. The idea that "I could bring realness to a character and tell not just my story but the story of pretty much every young girl out there who isn't saving herself for purity or battling some other evil" is the bigger picture. Don't misunderstand, I'm not about to jump out the box butt naked and just getting it in on camera, but this does open me up a bit more to consider roles. I have to pray over every opportunity and be sure it is of God's purpose before moving forward.
I work with young woman three days a week here in NYC and see them on the streets everyday, even observe the young woman in my family. These roles of nudity, sex, drugs, abusive/unhealthy relationships and so on are in most projects because it's the reality they walk in everyday. Society is drawn to these projects because they can relate unfortunately. I would love to bring light to their darkness and have a character find God at the end of her troubles. Even if the script isn't written that way, I have a platform to talk about a character I might play and how that translates to real life and still get God's light in there. Interviews, blogs, tweets, however... I'm gonna get some light up in this industry. This is a vision I have and God willing it'll happen. The script of my life is all up in some of these projects and I want a piece of it to have my story told the right way...Your story too!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I'm writing in my morning pages and realize that I've already received the increase that I've been praying about. I've been nervously entertaining the idea of joining the union to get more bucks for my bang in the commercial world. Telling myself that I won't get the Film/TV opportunities unless I shift my focus off of the hustle and bustle of commercial auditions and put the energy elsewhere. But in my writing I remembered I have 3 film opportunities on the table and I didn't have to shift my focus completely off commercials, which is my bread and butter. His Favor! More than that, I had to check myself because I've been getting antsy about increase thinking my career has been "slow". True I may not be shooting 2-3 times a week like I used to but I'm still working and if that's not increase, than BJ what the heck is your definition??? His Favor! For as much as I've been praying and desiring to "transition into the Film/TV world", and sometimes getting impatient with God, I have barely lifted a finger to be prepared for that increase, but yet I've still received His Favor. I don't say this to brag, I say this because here I sit getting impatient and losing hope when I haven't recited my monologues since the summer, still ain't printed a professional headshot, barely taking classes to sharpen my instrument but yet I'm calling for increase. I take that chin check all the way cuz I've got some nerve.
I consider it nothing but His Favor over me that my career is moving forward in spite of my slothfulness in business (Romans 12:11 KJV). Let me take it a step further since I'm talking about the increase I've been asking for. I prayed after writing my morning pages and God checked me some more. He's been increasing me in every area of my life and I've had the small mind to only focus on the increase I've wanted in my career. How about the increase in knowledge, health, family relationships, friends, and so on. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, I'm grateful to settle HERE with my eyes open to see where I'm standing right now and recognize what the Lord has done for me.
To all you creatives: I'm sure if you look at your life you will see The Actor's Favor on you too. I hope you do, if not, get ready for a chin check from God cuz it's coming. I humbly accept my correction and say Thank you for Favor!