With all the death around me its hard not to think about the loss of my mother and shed tears. So many friends have lost loved ones this past month and it saddens me. As I come into my 30s, I think about her more often because I'm following in her steps in so many ways and she's not here to help shape me into the woman I am to become. Its crazy actually to miss her most during this time of my life. My mother wasn't the best at being domestic and she would have been the first to admit it. So why am I longing for her guidance so much when realistically she probably wouldn't have provided much advice. (I don't mean that in a negative way, its just a fact about my mom) I think because I see so much of myself in her as I mature that its hard not having her around to observe and kind of discover myself. If she were here I feel like it would be some parallel outer body experience watching myself mature into my mother and noticing those little nuances throughout our time together. Turning 30, is surely bittersweet, more sweet than bitter. I know that no one's experience of their 30s is the same but man it would've felt great to sit and chat with Mommy and hear her wild Dirty Thirty stories...lol. I think she is living spiritually through me because I am becoming more free and full of life as each day gets closer to me being older. If she was known for anything it was taking challenges by the horns and wrestling it down on the dance floor and making a great party out of it with a glass of vodka in her hand. Replace vodka with Grand Marnier and you have me. I'm so ready for my 30s and want to embrace all the challenges this new chapter of my life may bring. Doing it my way, regardless of anyone's expectations of me and living free. Bring it on Universe... This Leo is ready for her Dirty Thirties... Yee haw!!!
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