Saturday, December 18, 2010

Me versus ME

As I reflect on the lessons and blessings of yesterday, I appreciate today that much more. Continuing in my studies and reading the Bible and other books about Faith to nourish my soul. To season me into a knowledgeable Christian worthy of God's mercy. Having a new opportunity each day to tackle the obstacles with a peace because I'm grateful to have these challenges. Just as happy as the blessings. Taking the good with the bad and embracing it all, welcoming more of it into my life through fellowship, praise, and a consistent walk. A consistent walk is what i desire most, giving glory regardless of the measure of my day. My day shouldn't be measured by the things I've received anyway, but yet it should be measured by the amount of love, praise and glory I give back to God and his children. Believers and non-believers alike. This Christmas season feels so different to me and yet so important. I feel so grateful and humbled to just experience each day. When I wake in my fathers condo or whether i wake alone in my apartment. If I'm spending time alone or in the company of friends and family. Whether my bank account is happy or if it's starving, either way i feel joy and happiness. Even if I'm exhausted and heavy eyed or filled with bounce off the wall energy, i feel this sense of love and peace. Even when I am baffled over a negative experience, I still deep down under feel a sense of assurance that it will somehow work itself out and can find a calm to get through it. This person I am becoming seems so mature, so happy, so new, so... someone i couldn't have ever imagined becoming in previous years. I love this person so much and can't wait to spend a life time getting to know as much about her as i will allow myself to. I want to stay true to her heart and intentions and hope that my old ways fade eventually and take on her habits forever.

I still see glimpses of the old me, the me that pops out ever so often. The drinker, the party girl, the flirt, the potty mouth, the judger, the mad black angry woman. I love her very much, because without her i could never appreciate where i am now. I still need pieces of her spirit to be the great me I'm intended to be. She wasn't all bad news and her heart was always in the right place regardless of her actions so maybe she wasn't bad at all.

Peace y'all!

Thursday, December 16, 2010


I love him for sticking by me when I blamed him for my downfalls. I love him for speaking kindly when showing me the errors of my ways. Reassuring me that he loves me unconditionally no matter what my flaws. I love him for waking next to me each morning and laying beside me as I sleep through the night. I love him for protecting me from evil and teaching me not to be evil to others. I love him because he first loved me. I love him because his truth is undeniably amazing and everlasting. I love him for teaching me to love me for me. I love him just because of who HE is. I love others because of the love I have for him. I love him for every lesson and obstacle he placed in my path. I love him for the courage and strength to overcome those obstacles. I love him for the opportunities, blessings, and knowledge I've received. I love him because HE is love. Thank you GOD!

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Love Checklist

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that one of challenges in life is love and relationships. I prayed and prayed and cried to God many nights to bring me a mate. I finally realized that he had been placing people in my life to comfort me in areas I needed and that would suffice for the moment. I woke up this morning and started reflecting on those lonely days and the things I wanted most. I didn't know it at the time but I was creating a checklist of things I wanted to do as I fall in love.

Now I must say that while I observed other couples doing these things as "Lonely B" I was all "bah-hum- bug, get a room". On the inside I was miserable because I knew I wanted those very things I frowned at. So here it goes, my Love Checklist in no particular order:

- walking down the sidewalk kissing clumsily (because who can really walk side by side and kiss without tripping over their feet?)
- kissing in the car at a red light (because the kiss you got before you got in the car just wasn't enough and the kiss you'll get at the end of the ten minute drive won't do either)
- taking the bus from DC to NY and balling up into each other and falling asleep with your heads pressed together (Tear... Kodak moment)
- riding the subway or some other public place and feeling each other up (to this one I still say "get a room", but when you're that couple feeling each other up you could care less who's looking ;-)
- having a kiss fest in the most random unexpected places (this can happen multiple times at multiple locations, I LOVE a good kiss fest)
- walking hand in hand and when people are in your way, you stay locked together and raise your hands above them because letting go for two seconds would hurt way too much (I realize this one is way sappy, makes you wanna pook, and then some but this is my checklist so live with it... Hee hee hee)
- taking a picture while kissing and capturing that moment for eternity (BBM is to blame for this one, all my girls posts these pics and I want one too) (update: I got the pic now but I aint posting it... Ha ha... Having it is quite enough for me)
- add to this list as many displays of affection, be it public or private, and these are things that bring me closer to my Love, the PG version anyway :-O

What's on your checklist???

Peace yall!

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Friday, December 3, 2010

Gifts of Love

Its that time of year! The time when people start emptying their wallets, looking out for any and every sale, racing to the stores for the best deals and the latest trends. The time when highway and sidewalk traffic alike are jam-packed with shoppers eager to make all their loved-one's dreams come true with the material objects of their wish list. It's mind boggling to me at how many folks still make it a  "must" to purchase above and beyond their means just because of the holiday season. Watching the news reports on how spending is down compared to previous years and how will the economy survive and blah blah blah. Who cares if spending is down? Maybe this means that some of our youth will understand the true spirit of the holidays, which has nothing to do with unwrapping that shiny toy, and maybe thats a step in the right direction to stopping the violence with our misguided children. Maybe it means that more families will spend time together in laughter and reminisce on old times and family traditions instead of anticipating the gift exchanging hour. Maybe it means that less of our "overworked and underpaid and always trying to catch a big break so do anything necessary to get a dollar just so you can spend it on an object that will become obsolete in a few months" folks will feel the society encouraging  pressure to go broke or go further into the financial whole they may already be in. Now i say these things in my blog never in judgement because i too have debt, i too like nice shiny electronics, and junk. Im just trying to motivate a few of you as i motivate myself to get away from the materialness of this world and give gifts that you cant put a price tag on. 

This holiday season I'm giving the gift of LOVE. I'm giving myself love, first and foremost, because i cant be in a position to give to anyone else what I don't understand myself. The best way to start loving another person is to love you unconditionally and then spread to others. Im giving love to my amazing GOD for all his mercy and grace bestowed upon me. My faith in him has truly turned me around and i see a lot of things in a more positive light. I'm giving love and time to my boo like I've never given to any man before because i know that "love conquers most" and we'll get through any obstacles if we always give and speak from love. I'm giving love and selflessness to my bestest girlfriends and learning to put myself to the side at times to be a better friend to them. I'm giving love and learning to speak kindly to my family members instead of speaking harsh and passionately judgmental. I'm giving love to my community and seeking new ways to interact with the youth because I love the kids and it touches a special place in my heart to hear their laughter. I'm giving love to strangers and saying hello even when not spoken to and smiling just to brighten a day. I'm giving the best and most valuable gift i can give to anyone and that is the "bayooteefull  joy" of me that comes from the loving God of peace.

It is my sincerest hope that i stay true to my intentions and that I shed some light for the next person to give more than they receive and spread a little more love and time than cents and dollars signs...ha ha ha (that was a cheesy rhyme, i know).

Peace yall!