Made "Ready to Love"

In my weekend of solitude I've been doing some deep thinking about
past romantic relationships. I came to the epiphany that I deserve to
receive a man from God "Ready to Love". Most adults, male or female,
can say that they feel they're always teaching their mate how to be a
better person, only for the next relationship to reap the reward. We
beat ourselves up and get angry about all the time and effort we put
into shaping somebody so they can give it to the next person. This has
been the story of most of my relationships. Always being the
financially stable or savvy, the first to wave the white flag, the one
to encourage better behavior (whatever that means), in a sense always
playing the mom in a relationship instead of a mate, an equal. I
didn't make these statements to say that I'm without flaw, I do come
with my bag of bullcrap. But I can honestly say that over the years I
haven't learned nearly as much as I think my past mates have learned
from all my forceful rants of how they should be a certain way. Part
of the problem is that we weren't equals and even if we started out
that way, I outgrew the relationship and tried to force them to step
up. I recall some relationships where they did change temporarily
because of my determination, only to have the relationship fail
anyway. Obviously, because history continues to repeat itself and I
continue to rise to the occasion of trying to change a man to be my
suitable partner. I even recall teachings from my father about how
relationships aren't 50/50 and that when one side is weaker the other
should be able to carry the weight, they form a team, a unit. That
weight being finances, reciprocated love, spiritual beliefs, life
goals, and anything else that is of significance to you. But when one
person is always carrying most of the weight it's time to roll or at
least do some seriously evaluating.

Today in reading, I realized that I've surely been forcing my hand and
not trusting God to bring the man meant for me. I'm asking God to
grant me patience and strength to only accept the love that He would
have me to receive into my life. To wait for Him to present the man
who is "Ready for Love". Not "Ready for Games", not "Ready to depend
on my Blessings/Stable Income/Lifestyle", not "Ready for Miss Right
Now", and especially not "Ready to be with me temporarily while he
finds himself but doesn't want to be alone in the process". Only then,
when He sends me Mister "Ready to Love" should I even consider giving
my love back. Anything less than that would be a step backwards into
history and I'm so through with the Old Me and all her insecure,
dependent, non-God trusting ways. Oh and I asked God to make me Miss
"Ready to Love" because we need to be evenly yoked for this love to
stand a chance.

Peace yall!

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