Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Actor's Favor

I've been calling for increase in my life, mostly in my career during this new season I'm in. First I had to give myself permission to dream and expect more because I've had the mindset that I should be humble and content and stay here where God has me. Once I got over that hurdle I begin to believe that I deserved more and begin asking for it. I prayed for two specific auditions I attended. I went all the way through to being put on hold for the biggest one I wanted and got released in the final hours. I went back and forth like a mad woman in my head. "BJ don't be disappointed if you don't get it, God will set up something bigger." " No wait, BJ you deserve this, you've been obedient God has this for you, its yours, so walk in it now." Just craziness back and forth with doubting that I could get it and telling myself I deserve it. I didn't allow myself to sit in pity when I didn't book it and held on to the teachings that God has 3 answers when we request something; "Yes" "Not Yet" and "I have better in store for you". So I let it go and moved on with life, still requesting increase in my career and what did I need to do to get it. I was softly telling myself that I must not have booked the audition because God still wants to teach me something or there's something I'm doing wrong. And I know better than that because God doesn't work that way, He will bless you in the midst of teaching you a lesson because He loves you that much. Moving on to the point of this entry called The Actor's Favor.

I'm writing in my morning pages and realize that I've already received the increase that I've been praying about. I've been nervously entertaining the idea of joining the union to get more bucks for my bang in the commercial world. Telling myself that I won't get the Film/TV opportunities unless I shift my focus off of the hustle and bustle of commercial auditions and put the energy elsewhere. But in my writing I remembered I have 3 film opportunities on the table and I didn't have to shift my focus completely off commercials, which is my bread and butter. His Favor! More than that, I had to check myself because I've been getting antsy about increase thinking my career has been "slow". True I may not be shooting 2-3 times a week like I used to but I'm still working and if that's not increase, than BJ what the heck is your definition??? His Favor! For as much as I've been praying and desiring to "transition into the Film/TV world", and sometimes getting impatient with God, I have barely lifted a finger to be prepared for that increase, but yet I've still received His Favor. I don't say this to brag, I say this because here I sit getting impatient and losing hope when I haven't recited my monologues since the summer, still ain't printed a professional headshot, barely taking classes to sharpen my instrument but yet I'm calling for increase. I take that chin check all the way cuz I've got some nerve.

I consider it nothing but His Favor over me that my career is moving forward in spite of my slothfulness in business (Romans 12:11 KJV). Let me take it a step further since I'm talking about the increase I've been asking for. I prayed after writing my morning pages and God checked me some more. He's been increasing me in every area of my life and I've had the small mind to only focus on the increase I've wanted in my career. How about the increase in knowledge, health, family relationships, friends, and so on. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, I'm grateful to settle HERE with my eyes open to see where I'm standing right now and recognize what the Lord has done for me.

To all you creatives: I'm sure if you look at your life you will see The Actor's Favor on you too. I hope you do, if not, get ready for a chin check from God cuz it's coming. I humbly accept my correction and say Thank you for Favor!

Peace yall!

1 comment:

  1. Amazing and as always crazy how parallel our situations are. I thank God for you sharing and truly appreciate your perspective as I to am learning many of the same lessons and 'chin checks'.. Be blessed beautiful I can't wait 2c the awesomeness God is preparing to pour over your life. I'm proud of you