Saturday, December 18, 2010

Me versus ME

As I reflect on the lessons and blessings of yesterday, I appreciate today that much more. Continuing in my studies and reading the Bible and other books about Faith to nourish my soul. To season me into a knowledgeable Christian worthy of God's mercy. Having a new opportunity each day to tackle the obstacles with a peace because I'm grateful to have these challenges. Just as happy as the blessings. Taking the good with the bad and embracing it all, welcoming more of it into my life through fellowship, praise, and a consistent walk. A consistent walk is what i desire most, giving glory regardless of the measure of my day. My day shouldn't be measured by the things I've received anyway, but yet it should be measured by the amount of love, praise and glory I give back to God and his children. Believers and non-believers alike. This Christmas season feels so different to me and yet so important. I feel so grateful and humbled to just experience each day. When I wake in my fathers condo or whether i wake alone in my apartment. If I'm spending time alone or in the company of friends and family. Whether my bank account is happy or if it's starving, either way i feel joy and happiness. Even if I'm exhausted and heavy eyed or filled with bounce off the wall energy, i feel this sense of love and peace. Even when I am baffled over a negative experience, I still deep down under feel a sense of assurance that it will somehow work itself out and can find a calm to get through it. This person I am becoming seems so mature, so happy, so new, so... someone i couldn't have ever imagined becoming in previous years. I love this person so much and can't wait to spend a life time getting to know as much about her as i will allow myself to. I want to stay true to her heart and intentions and hope that my old ways fade eventually and take on her habits forever.

I still see glimpses of the old me, the me that pops out ever so often. The drinker, the party girl, the flirt, the potty mouth, the judger, the mad black angry woman. I love her very much, because without her i could never appreciate where i am now. I still need pieces of her spirit to be the great me I'm intended to be. She wasn't all bad news and her heart was always in the right place regardless of her actions so maybe she wasn't bad at all.

Peace y'all!

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