I am worldly, this I do know! However, God has been revealing my roots to me and helping me heal so I can bare good fruit. I know I Tweet and Facebook all day everyday but I try to use those platforms for edification and encouragement as much as possible. I know I still have a cocktail every blue moon, but the desire is less and I'm much more aware of the importance of a sober mind. I've been promiscuous most of my life but God is showing me the downfalls of fornication and the significance of purity. I slip up occasionally and say a passionate word or two but I surprise myself most days with the love that leaves these lips. I entertain negative thoughts that drive my actions in the wrong direction but God is strengthening my understanding to renew my mindset. I'm still controlling and tempted to force things to be done my way but I relinquish more to Him everyday and just wait. I still gossip and backbite about folks but I'm learning not to judge and turn that focus to myself for correction.
It is only through my continuous prayer, teachings of the Bible, and spiritual influence around me that this progress has been possible. I just want to encourage others to know that this walk with God is a long one, a never ending lesson, but keep your eyes focused on Him and it does get easier.
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
How To Book It 101
I was recently spotlighted at the acting workshop I co-lead and was asked what lesson I could share with the group. Here's my answer: "To have Faith in my talent and walk away from each audition trusting that I did my best at that moment. Would've, Could've, Should've doesn't do much justice once you leave the casting room so leave the "audition" at the door." I was later asked what exactly did I do to see more growth in my career and again I tied it back to my Faith. True, I gained more agencies which meant more auditions, but what good is an audition if you're not ready for it?
A fellow actor said to me "You have to go in as if you don't give an F***!" and he was on the right track. I think its important for us Creatives to remember that art is never complete. As actors and models we are definitely artists creating from our talents. So if its never complete and we can always do "better", why beat yourself up in the audition room. Live in the moment! On my vision wall I keep a sign that says "Show the director MY best version of the character". If you're living in the moment you are being yourself, even a very creative version of yourself. But don't put the pressure on yourself to be like someone else or be who you think the casting director wants to see. BE YOU and trust that you're talented enough to be Book It and leave the rest to the Universe.
I ended that question at workshop talking about negative energy that will sabotage you booking it. Between my Faith and reading "The Artists Way" and "The Secret" I know that what we think and say directs our path and can put the wrong energy out there. We can totally go against God's plan for us if we get in our thoughts so much that we feel we suck, we did horrible, we should've done this at the audition, and for sure when we look at the candidate next to us and start comparing.
Before auditions I'd pray this prayer and need to start doing it again, "God please let me be my very best self in this room and let me not be too hard on myself afterwards trusting that your Creativity flows through me". Try it out, see how your auditions and booking rate change when you change your mindset and live in the moment. This career is meant to be a fun one and life in general is meant to be enjoyable so quit making it so hard.
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
Friday, October 21, 2011
Girlfriends Pray
I woke at 622am and as I contemplated going back to sleep I thought "Girlfriends Pray has a 7am call!". I decided to call in for the daily prayer with women all over the nation. This was probably my 4th or 5th time calling in and it always adds a blessing to my day. I also follow them on Twitter and get encouragement daily from their timeline. The spiritual leaders usually do a general prayer for common trials in the lives of women. With that being said, there are always words spoken that touch me personally and I'm confident other callers feel the same. They also take prayer request via email and on the line, allow callers to pray on the line, and read scriptures. I decided to write about the ministry today because I recognize the multiple blessings and answered prayers in the call.
The power of prayer alone is amazing whether it be face to face or via phone. But with Girlfriends Pray, I receive encouragement to lift up my girlfriends around me with encouraging words and learn how to pray for others. Early last year I began praying to God for a sincere sisterhood in my life. It's been a long journey and still going but I feel that God is still answering that prayer with this organization. They often mention their purposes for the ministry which include "bringing women closer to God through prayer" "learning discipline through prayer". Just today the facilitator closed us out by saying "Pray For Me and I'll Pray For You!". That statement stayed with me and it is so what I look for in my sisters. This is a major step for woman everywhere to be the great leaders and strong influences God has created us to be. So its important for one sister to encourage another and vice versa so we can build up our men and children. When I say sisters I mean all women not just African Americans.
Girlfriends Pray is one of the many ways God is answering my cry for a deeper understanding, a deeper connection with friends, and a new mindset to walk upright. For those of you looking for a spiritual community or a women's community, this is the call to get on. Whether you are a faithful wise daughter of God or if you're new to your walk with God, you will gain from calling in. Girlfriends Pray is surely becoming a staple in my walk, especially being 4 hours away from my church home 3 weeks out of each month. Hope they become a staple in yours as well.
Girlfriends Pray "Bringing women closer to God thru prayer." Prayer calls Mon-Fri (7a & 10p EST) & Wed @ 12p EST Call: 7124320075 Code: 128845# www.facebook.com/girlfriendspray
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Go Deeper!
I could get cancer and lose all this hair. I could get attacked and have my face scarred for life. I could become physically unable to exercise, be mobile, and keep this slim figure. My apartment could catch on fire and I'd lose all these material possessions that you see. But who cares what could be, let's focus on what is. Go Deeper!
I'm not made up of any of those things mentioned above, I'm what most people don't take time to see on the inside. The glamorous model... Nope! The brilliant actress...Nope! The somewhat trendy quirky dressed female...Nope! The multi-talented society stamped "Pretty Girl"... Nope! I'm so much more than what meets the eye and I got lots of stories to tell about what lies down under.
So who am I? I'm Crazy Bayooteefull. Don't be fooled by what you see on the outside...Go Deeper!
Peace yall!
- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni
Friday, October 14, 2011
Five
Just watched the movie "Five", a compilation of five short films that were connected into one feature film about Breast Cancer. The movie was directed by some well known actresses to include Demi Moore, Jenifer Aniston, and Alicia Keyes. I couldn't believe it was available online for free but there it was at 3am in the morning as I searched for a movie to put me back to sleep. It is by no coincidence that I stumbled on the movie during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. During the month of October which sits between the one year mark of my mother's ceremony in Barbados and the three year mark of her passing. Five was a wonderful blessing to me tonight and reminded me of so many things to be joyful about and made me aware of fears that lay dormant in need of prayer.
The similarities of the movie and my own life were amazing. I burst into tears several times remembering how some occurrences felt when I experienced them in the past and even at the occurrences I have yet to experience but think about often. I'm grateful that I was old enough to experience my mother's illness and talk with her about her feelings. Although she was a candid person she only opened up about some of her true feelings in the last year of her life. Had I been a child like the young character, Pearl, so much of that I wouldn't have been privileged to. Although I haven't had the genetic testing done yet, I do share in the fear of Chayenne's character about the high risk associated with the gene if I do have it. Being the oldest daughter of a survivor makes my chances higher. I can certainly relate to Lili's character in deciding to take all the burden of this illness on herself and attempting to be strong by distancing others from the battle. In the first year after my mother's diagnosis she avoided cancer and acted almost as if it didn't exist. Just like the character, she eventually realized that her family was exactly what she needed. Praise God! When I reflect on the character, Mia, I see so much of my mother. Mia was positive she would die as a result of Stage 4 Breast Cancer, the highest stage. She grew bitter and mean towards others, spent money and "lived life" like there were no tomorrow. I recall my mom buying gifts and expensive gowns and acting like money was of no concern at all to her. The only difference is Mia went into remission and realized that her Faith was lacking. After 2 years she was in complete remission, so that just goes to show that Faith is such a major part of this battle and it only gets harder without a belief system and supporting family.
The character that probably touched me most is Chayenne, the 26 year old with the breast cancer gene. Wondering what my future holds because of my family history I cried hard at the end of her story to see how strong her husband grew. They had a somewhat superficial love for each other that was truly tested by her illness and in the end it proved that they had a real love and he stood by her side. Makes me think of my dad and how he was there for my mother through all of her battle and never stopped loving her even though they had been separated for years. I still remember the day my mom confessed to me that she had fallen back in love with my dad. Breast Cancer gave my family some great moments in life and this was one of them.
As I said the movie "Five" brought to light some real concerns I have about health, love, support, and my Faith in the area of Breast Cancer. But it took me back to so many great memories and blessings that my family and I received throughout my mom's walk with cancer. It's so funny because I can recall walking pass advertisements for the movie at literally every corner in NYC for at least the past month. I said "Hmmm, that seems like an interesting movie, wonder what it's about?". I thank you Lord for the blessed gift of finding this movie tonight and shedding tears of joy and feeling a bit closer to my Mommy tonight. I trust that my future is already written and bayooteefully planned by you with an abundance of love and support no matter what my story will be. I'm going to the doc next week to start the process for my second mammogram, I encourage you ladies to be pro-active and get your screenings too.
This is a must see movie for anyone touched by Breast Cancer and Women in general. Check it out at hulu.com
Peace yall!
The similarities of the movie and my own life were amazing. I burst into tears several times remembering how some occurrences felt when I experienced them in the past and even at the occurrences I have yet to experience but think about often. I'm grateful that I was old enough to experience my mother's illness and talk with her about her feelings. Although she was a candid person she only opened up about some of her true feelings in the last year of her life. Had I been a child like the young character, Pearl, so much of that I wouldn't have been privileged to. Although I haven't had the genetic testing done yet, I do share in the fear of Chayenne's character about the high risk associated with the gene if I do have it. Being the oldest daughter of a survivor makes my chances higher. I can certainly relate to Lili's character in deciding to take all the burden of this illness on herself and attempting to be strong by distancing others from the battle. In the first year after my mother's diagnosis she avoided cancer and acted almost as if it didn't exist. Just like the character, she eventually realized that her family was exactly what she needed. Praise God! When I reflect on the character, Mia, I see so much of my mother. Mia was positive she would die as a result of Stage 4 Breast Cancer, the highest stage. She grew bitter and mean towards others, spent money and "lived life" like there were no tomorrow. I recall my mom buying gifts and expensive gowns and acting like money was of no concern at all to her. The only difference is Mia went into remission and realized that her Faith was lacking. After 2 years she was in complete remission, so that just goes to show that Faith is such a major part of this battle and it only gets harder without a belief system and supporting family.
The character that probably touched me most is Chayenne, the 26 year old with the breast cancer gene. Wondering what my future holds because of my family history I cried hard at the end of her story to see how strong her husband grew. They had a somewhat superficial love for each other that was truly tested by her illness and in the end it proved that they had a real love and he stood by her side. Makes me think of my dad and how he was there for my mother through all of her battle and never stopped loving her even though they had been separated for years. I still remember the day my mom confessed to me that she had fallen back in love with my dad. Breast Cancer gave my family some great moments in life and this was one of them.
As I said the movie "Five" brought to light some real concerns I have about health, love, support, and my Faith in the area of Breast Cancer. But it took me back to so many great memories and blessings that my family and I received throughout my mom's walk with cancer. It's so funny because I can recall walking pass advertisements for the movie at literally every corner in NYC for at least the past month. I said "Hmmm, that seems like an interesting movie, wonder what it's about?". I thank you Lord for the blessed gift of finding this movie tonight and shedding tears of joy and feeling a bit closer to my Mommy tonight. I trust that my future is already written and bayooteefully planned by you with an abundance of love and support no matter what my story will be. I'm going to the doc next week to start the process for my second mammogram, I encourage you ladies to be pro-active and get your screenings too.
This is a must see movie for anyone touched by Breast Cancer and Women in general. Check it out at hulu.com
Peace yall!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Made "Ready to Love"
In my weekend of solitude I've been doing some deep thinking about
past romantic relationships. I came to the epiphany that I deserve to
receive a man from God "Ready to Love". Most adults, male or female,
can say that they feel they're always teaching their mate how to be a
better person, only for the next relationship to reap the reward. We
beat ourselves up and get angry about all the time and effort we put
into shaping somebody so they can give it to the next person. This has
been the story of most of my relationships. Always being the
financially stable or savvy, the first to wave the white flag, the one
to encourage better behavior (whatever that means), in a sense always
playing the mom in a relationship instead of a mate, an equal. I
didn't make these statements to say that I'm without flaw, I do come
with my bag of bullcrap. But I can honestly say that over the years I
haven't learned nearly as much as I think my past mates have learned
from all my forceful rants of how they should be a certain way. Part
of the problem is that we weren't equals and even if we started out
that way, I outgrew the relationship and tried to force them to step
up. I recall some relationships where they did change temporarily
because of my determination, only to have the relationship fail
anyway. Obviously, because history continues to repeat itself and I
continue to rise to the occasion of trying to change a man to be my
suitable partner. I even recall teachings from my father about how
relationships aren't 50/50 and that when one side is weaker the other
should be able to carry the weight, they form a team, a unit. That
weight being finances, reciprocated love, spiritual beliefs, life
goals, and anything else that is of significance to you. But when one
person is always carrying most of the weight it's time to roll or at
least do some seriously evaluating.
past romantic relationships. I came to the epiphany that I deserve to
receive a man from God "Ready to Love". Most adults, male or female,
can say that they feel they're always teaching their mate how to be a
better person, only for the next relationship to reap the reward. We
beat ourselves up and get angry about all the time and effort we put
into shaping somebody so they can give it to the next person. This has
been the story of most of my relationships. Always being the
financially stable or savvy, the first to wave the white flag, the one
to encourage better behavior (whatever that means), in a sense always
playing the mom in a relationship instead of a mate, an equal. I
didn't make these statements to say that I'm without flaw, I do come
with my bag of bullcrap. But I can honestly say that over the years I
haven't learned nearly as much as I think my past mates have learned
from all my forceful rants of how they should be a certain way. Part
of the problem is that we weren't equals and even if we started out
that way, I outgrew the relationship and tried to force them to step
up. I recall some relationships where they did change temporarily
because of my determination, only to have the relationship fail
anyway. Obviously, because history continues to repeat itself and I
continue to rise to the occasion of trying to change a man to be my
suitable partner. I even recall teachings from my father about how
relationships aren't 50/50 and that when one side is weaker the other
should be able to carry the weight, they form a team, a unit. That
weight being finances, reciprocated love, spiritual beliefs, life
goals, and anything else that is of significance to you. But when one
person is always carrying most of the weight it's time to roll or at
least do some seriously evaluating.
Today in reading, I realized that I've surely been forcing my hand and
not trusting God to bring the man meant for me. I'm asking God to
grant me patience and strength to only accept the love that He would
have me to receive into my life. To wait for Him to present the man
who is "Ready for Love". Not "Ready for Games", not "Ready to depend
on my Blessings/Stable Income/Lifestyle", not "Ready for Miss Right
Now", and especially not "Ready to be with me temporarily while he
finds himself but doesn't want to be alone in the process". Only then,
when He sends me Mister "Ready to Love" should I even consider giving
my love back. Anything less than that would be a step backwards into
history and I'm so through with the Old Me and all her insecure,
dependent, non-God trusting ways. Oh and I asked God to make me Miss
"Ready to Love" because we need to be evenly yoked for this love to
stand a chance.
Peace yall!
Sent from my iPad
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