Gimme My Swag!

I don't know who took it or where it went, but Gimme Back My Swag! I'm not quite sure how I let it slip away or how I got so easily sidetracked, but Gimme Back My Swag! I've been unmotivated, content, and just plain stagnant in my passion , but you gon Gimme My Swag Back! I was never this easily defeated, this un-enthused to push forward, pursue my dreams and dream bigger. I've allowed myself to feel empty inside with no more left to give but my eyes were focused on the wrong prize and now I'm going to Snatch My Swag Back.

I'm seeing myself more clearly these days and realize that I've been allowing creative opportunities from God to just pass me by. I haven't been the self-motivator and hustler that got me to this point. Thankful that the Lord has been sustaining my career in this season I was walking through...but its time for more! Time not just for the brilliant hungry creative me to come back but time for an even greater motivated and prepared me to step on the "scene". I'm sitting down with this lackadaisical person I've become and yanking my Swag, Mojo, Umph, Desire, Passion, or whatever else you could call it back. She sure hasn't been using it and this season ahead of me is gonna need all of that to fulfill the goals ahead for me.

Staying Christ centered and Creatively Focused!

Peace yall!

- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni

Surrender

I look in the mirror and I see a different me, I feel a different me, I think like a different me and I know it's because I've surrendered so many parts of me to God. I don't think anyone can put a true date stamp on when they started their walk with God, I surely cant. I know that God had been working on me long before I knew it and slowly I began to lose the desire to do certain things. By the time I became aware that it was God nudging me in these areas, I was fully ready to surrender those habits to Him. I'm not perfect but I've been strong in turning over my filthy mouth, substance use, promiscuity and even now fornication I'm giving to Him. God has certainly helped me with turning my eyes onto myself for correction "before" judging others, which should be "instead" of judging others but I still got work to do. I'm healing from a lot of past hurts and its not always easy to release that pain but giving myself to God and letting Him work it out has been such a relief. The list of smaller surrenders are there too, but these have been the strongholds in my life.

And yet, there is one major part of my life that I have been fighting God with every inch of my being about...my relationship. I've been strolling along in my walk with God, sometimes skipping and singing and other times crying and screaming but I've been moving forward with ease. And now I hit a bump and trip to fall flat on my face, "What the heck was that hurdle in my path?". God answers, "That's you're relationship and I want that too!". I'm like, "Really? God why you gotta have that too, cant I just keep this one thing for myself? Please!". God answers, "Well, you do have free will so the choice is yours, but you'll be missing out on what I have planned for you down the road". I reply, "OUCH!!! That hurts, you mean this isn't the best that I'll know, theres a greater love than this, how could that be, I thought this was the one?". Without getting too dramatic and dragging this scene out, the point is that yes God wants this part of my life too and I have been so hesitant and stubborn in relinquishing it. God reveals so much to us through His words and the vessels He places in our lives. I'm so grateful for the friends that I've been able to trust with my experience and the encouragement they speak into me that has opened my eyes to what I need to do. It absolutely sucks to go through this life lesson during the holidays but I plan to hold to the true spirit of the holidays and not focus on the insignificant things that get us lonely on the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are about Jesus Christ and giving thanks for all that I've been brought through and will continue to grow through. I may have some sad tear-filled nights but scripture says joy comes in the morning. And I'm tempted some days to sit down and debate with God a bit more on this subject but I know that would be disobedient and while I may be a great debater here on Earth, I'm no match for Him. So let me pipe down and go ahead and be obedient.

One of my favorite gospel songs is "Give Myself Away" and it touches me every time I hear it and reminds me of what I am to do as a true student of God's word. I have to completely surrender myself to the Lord and trust that He knows best and that He's got my back through everything. I don't know what tomorrow looks like but while God has been removing this area out of my life, He has filled that void with so many Agape love relationships, true sisters and strong spiritual leaders. I have been a control freak my entire life and have always counted on forcing my way through obstacles to get my desired outcome. Shifting my desired outcomes to align with God's will has been most challenging in areas I still attempt to control. But His solutions and understanding is much greater than mine so I'm ready to take a back seat and let God take the steering wheel. I'm throwing up my hands and fully surrendering. Besides my hands are better suited up in the air anyway to praise Him for who He is. Hallelujah and Amen!

Peace yall!

Consequences of Change

If I've been selfish my whole life, I can't take offense if someone rejects my offerings now that I've changed. They maybe had to develop an unhealthy independence towards me as a result of my old ways that won't allow them to see my change. Their pride may be too strong as a result of my actions that didn't show them compassion and love. They have a "I don't need her" attitude. But that's ok, because when we change or do as God says we don't do it for show. We do it because its the Godly thing to do, its what our new heart desires to do. There will often be reminders of our old self, as we grow and gain new understanding. We can't get caught up in anger and frustration trying to make others see our change. As long as we can look in the mirror and see it for ourselves and be humbled by what we see, that's all that matters. God sees it all and if we've changed for the betterment of ourselves than we've changed for Him and shouldn't look any further for gratification or recognition of that change than from Him.

For those of you striving to change for the better. Be encouraged in your new season of life and don't allow others holding onto the old you to discourage your continued growth. This includes yourself, forgive you and don't hold onto hurts of shame because of your old ways. Seek healing from God and find joy in the lessons.

Peace yall!

- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni

Fear

The fear of trying to assess the next man and know that he is of God is overwhelming. The fear of a heart hardening because of current experiences is more frightening. The fear of finally letting go of old ways and feelings to accept new understanding is absolutely terrifying. The fear of not healing from any of these, hurts more than the sum of it all and should be enough to Trust God and Fear Him!

Peace yall!

- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni

Lost in Technology

The sincere communication of relationships in our world has changed right before our eyes.

My two year old niece asked if she can text me and the 7 year old actually does text. They fight over playing Fruit Ninja on the iPad and stay glued to the screen instead of outside fighting over the ball/jump rope and at least interacting with one another.

I had a great talk with one of my teenage mentees last night about discretion and privacy. They don't have real relationships, they have cyber-lationships and don't know how to speak an honest word face to face to each other. They plaster their emotions and circumstances on their Facebook page and not only get lost in translation but invite the whole world to chime in on their relationship dramas. They paint false personas of themselves on their profile and get their feelings hurt when someone turned out to be different than what they thought (or read online).

A few weeks ago on Twitter someone posted "Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other". All the garbage on TV, the fame hungry image of Schnooky, the drama feeding Real Housewives series and the violence and pure ignorance of the Bad Girls Club and straight up foolishness that we allow ourselves to sit through. We would rather poison our thinking with that, then turn off the TV and have a real heart to heart with our spouse, our close friend, or even more troubling our children.

Let's not forget about the everyday poor communication of texting/emailing versus a phone call. Teens aren't the only ones getting lost in translation. Husbands & Wives, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Sisters & Brothers, Business Partner & Biz Partner, Father & Child. We're all allowing the technologies to make us a disconnected, insincere, non-loving world. True, God gave us the ingenuity to create these things and evolve into a smarter more efficient people. But I would imagine He still ranks spending time lifting each other up and loving on one another higher than the genius creations we've made. It's important not to get lost in it all. Seek the intimacy and true joy that comes from real interactions, no blurred confusing virtual lines or distraction of other nonsense. Reach out and literally touch someone.

Peace yall!

- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni

Where's the Joy in that?!?!

Ephesians 5:29 "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it..."

This scripture translates into that traditional saying "You can't make someone happy until you're happy with yourself". When thinking about relationships this should really reference joy not happiness. Joy is a mindset and a constant choice we have to make, where happiness is usually the result of temporary circumstances. So happiness is very much possible in relationships when the money is rolling in, the wining, dining and vacations are often, the gifts are frequent and the bills and life responsibilities are of no struggle. But joy is what will get you through when all those things are gone or fading.

Back to the scripture. When you read the entire chapter it talks about marriage and how the man should love the woman as he loves himself and the woman should be subject to the man. Two issues come to mind. One: if the man doesn't love himself or have his joy to hold onto than how can he love his woman the way he should? Two: if the woman is to be subject to the man but he has no joy and doesn't love himself or her sincerely, than how can she be subject to him without losing her joy, what role does she play? (Sidenote: References to man and woman can easily be swapped in these examples. The woman could lack joy or inner love and the man be the one trying to hold it down or leave.)

The first part is a no brainer, the man can't love the woman the way God says to if he doesn't love himself. He may bring her temporary happiness and may want to love her in that manner, but his lack of inner love and joy for himself will always present challenges. The second part reminds me of a comment that "the woman has to be strong in her Faith or joy and the man will follow suit". I've said it myself at times "I'll let my man be the leader when he learns how to be a leader". This mindset isn't right because even the Bible says women are subject to their men. A lot of us woman do desire a strong man to "wear the pants" in the relationship, but what about when he needs help and encouragement so he can get to that place of joy and be the man God intended him to be? Are we women simply giving up on them and walking away to have the same problems with the next man? Or are we staying and building ourselves up while we encourage our men to do the same? The grass ain't always greener and I'm sure God intended for us to stay and lift each other up or else why would divorce be so frowned upon? God would be like "Oh its cool, you don't like this husband, here let me give you another one".

My point to all this is simply that I realize that relationships can be challenging, they will be challenging. But if we're always picking up and running to the next one without stopping to heal and understand the root issues history will repeat itself. I feel if we stop and look at some of those root causes during the relationship then maybe there's hope for a Godly relationship or at least healing before we enter the next one. I do realize that both parties have to understand the definition of joy and seek it out. If its not a two way street, that woman attempting to be strong and encouraging may ware herself down taking on the responsibility. So its important to understand that we must encourage our men but not do it for them or force them. And that if the man truly desires to love himself so he can love his woman like God said than he has to appreciate his woman for the encouragement in the process and do his best. Regardless of the circumstances, it takes patience and prayer and a willingness to walk it together.

I don't claim to know everything and I'm coming to these realizations through prayer and honest talks with God and girlfriends. But I do know I will keep working on my joy so I can have that Godly love. Amen and Amen!

Peace yall!

- BJ Gianni
www.youtube.com/bjgianni
http://crazybayooteefull.blogspot.com
@bjgianni