Shut Yo Mouth!

My momma always told me " you just don't know when to shut your mouth!" And she even popped me in the mouth hard when I was grown or thought I was grown.

This past week has been revealing to me that, while I realize I talk too much, I'm realizing that I talk too much. I don't mean just being a Chatty Cathy but that I speak in times where others would definitely prefer I not or at times when others wouldn't be bold enough to say things.

Just the other day I was in a meeting with two of my agents and photographer who would potentially use me as his next muse. My agent gave me the floor to speak freely and so I did. The first thing out my mouth was "well you know I don't do @$$ out shots or thong photos and such...". This statement in itself is not a bad thing because you have to have standards in this industry or people will surely have you doing anything. However, this photographer was looking for a model he could call upon whenever his creative being got an idea and shoot...for FREE!!! Hello... This is what I've been waiting for, I need a resident photographer in NYC but now he's all looking at me sideways like "hmmm, I'll call if I just need a pretty model that wants to play it safe!" Shut yo mouth BJ!

I'm currently booked on a 3 day gig at a Fashion event where I'm basically a live mannequin, seen and not heard. But of course, these clients keep asking my opinion so you know I'm giving it to them. But do you think the salesmen want me to give my opinion? Heck No. They have their own slogans and sales tactics so they don't want me giving my opinion unless its "its fabulous, you should buy this in five colors". So again, Shut yo mouth, BJ!

This is simple to do in some areas like talking about my new love and even gossiping about others and their business. But boy do I have some growing to do. My agent stopped the conversation between me and the photographer I mentioned earlier. He said " BJ I can't take it anymore, you can be a great model, you are a great model, but your mouth is your problem!" Ouch!!!! That hurt but he is so right. Maybe I'll just shut my mouth and save it for the blog. We shall see...

Peace yall!

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ASK

Allowing Someone's Knowledge!

Not an easy task to do for some, for me. I've always prided myself on learning things on my own and not relying on others to accomplish my goals. If I want something, I go out and figure out a way to get it. I like to say often that "we have to learn from our mistakes". Thinking that this is sometimes, most times the best way to learn. In my readings this evening I'm learning to ask for answers and consider the answers from any source. God may have the answers waiting for me via Joe Schmoe but I don't want to ask him for help or advice because he don't look like he knows anymore than me. Ha! In my highest moments of revelation over the past year I see how my stubborn ways have helped me but also how they harm me. I should be able to receive someone else's knowledge and take what applies to me and benefit from it. Instead I beat my chest and set out on my own path to do it alone. It makes no sense to say you want to accomplish something and then place roadblocks in your own way by not allowing help from others. Now I'm not saying I'm going to hit the streets and ask Homie the Clown how to brand myself or how to invest some money. But I will try to keep an open mind to avenues I once strayed away from for assistance and knowledge. "Be open to all help!"

Peace yall!


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Impact

What a great Monday this Valentine's Day has turned out to be thus far. I surely woke this morning in a "bah hum bug" mood. Not because it's V-Day but I just felt off balanced and unmotivated. I've had these feelings for a few weeks but this morning I woke with my eyebrows wrinkled and ready to duke it out with something or someone. Nothing in particular was bothering me or maybe everything was and I couldn't quite put my finger on where to start. So I started my morning with breakfast, prayer, some writing and a call to my Daddy to say "Happy Valentine's Day". It was soon time to head down the street, just a few blocks to my friends house for our planning meeting. She's the founder of the organization I work with on Mondays and we had lots to discuss. Little did I know, that we'd ultimately discuss my life and I'd get answers and motivation. After our teleconference wrapped, we enjoyed lunch and just bantered on about life and work and junk. One conversation sparked another. We talked about everything from friendships to business start-up to websites and dreams accomplished. It was a free for all with no topic unapproachable. It was beyond refreshing to have someone sit, listen, hear my frustrations and then respond with positive applicable reassuring feedback. As adults, we hold in so much crap and think we know best or that the answers will just fall from the sky without any action on our part. WRONG!!! Sometimes... most times we need to trust our close circle with our dreams, desires, and woes. Even if we feel "They couldn't possibly have an answer, so why whine and complain?". I'll be the first to admit that I'm a stubborn mess most days and even though I don't have the answer to my challenges, I don't ask "Susie" sitting next to me for the answer for so many reasons. Fear of judgement, Fear of confidentiality, Fear of embarrassment. Lil' Susie could be sitting on the answers just waiting for me to ask the questions. Even if she doesn't have the answers, she could have the motivational words to light the fire under me to get to the answers. And today Lil' Susie had the motivational words, the books, the quotes and some of the answers.

My point is take the time to impact someones life but more importantly don't be too stubborn to allow someone to impact yours.

Peace yall!

Don't Walk By - Part 2

So it's been about a week since I participated in the "Don't Walk By" event. Life and love just ran away with me i guess. I wanted to wait until i had an opportunity to interact with the homeless after the event to see if i felt differently since my last entry. I've had a pretty easy week so i didn't get much interaction, so let's chat about my experience at the church.

The first few hours were spent in training, setup, prayer and a group soup before the doors opened. From the first guest to the last one leaving it was a heart felt experience. The homeless entered with excitement and thanks for the opportunity. They were greeted at the doors and escorted to their table where a friend waited to chat with them and serve them a hot meal. We offered extended services separate from that day such as a one night shelter, rehab centers, long term living programs, medical attention, and blankets, coats, and other warm items for their journey. Some stayed just long enough to enjoy their meal and grab a bag while others stayed for the entire duration of the event which lasted about four hours. It was absolutely amazing to experience this day of selflessness and charity that they received. My role was a greeter, so i was the first point of contact as they entered the church. I stood eager to greet every guests with a huge smile and a loud welcome. The homeless were treated like priority for a day, like people who matter and I'm positive we made an impact in their lives. Maybe giving them a little hope that there are people who care and want to lend a helping hand. Hope that this world isn't completely filled with lost souls that look the other way.

I was overjoyed to greet the guests that made the decision to come in for shelter on that rainy cold day. But my mind drifted often to those who made the decision not to come and those who had already taken shelter somewhere earlier in the day to prepare for the nasty weather. I wondered if they were warm and had food and if they were alone? I pray that those we couldn't reach out to found shelter and that they have a softened heart from our attempts and maybe accept the invitation next time its offered. At the end of the day, my feet were frozen from wet socks, my head was pounding from standing at the cold door for four hours and holding a smile, and my tummy was running on fumes because i was starving. It was just a snip of what the homeless go through everyday as they weather the changes of mother nature, look for food to fill their bellies, and pray for shelter, some spare change, or just a glimpse of hope. Many of the homeless plan to return next year for the event and i too share their enthusiasm. Enthusiasm that we will receive another day and another year to join together and be a part of something bigger than ourselves. "Don't Walk By" is just one of many organizations that cater to the homeless. I plan to seek more opportunities and give my time to someone in need.

Peace y'all!

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Don't Walk By - Part 1

Yesterday, I was walking somewhere with my hand in my pocket and in deep thought as usual. At some point, I came out of the trance and started focusing on the woman to the right dressed in dark clothing. I couldn't tell what she was doing or if she was looking at me because I didn't wear my glasses. It wasn't until I got right up beside her that I could see her standing there with her left had out signaling for change. The fast pace of Manhattan's sidewalks let me breeze right by her. In the few seconds it took my brain to register what she was doing from the moment I saw her, I had walked right on by. Situations like this make me want to go back. Go back and give her the change that had been twirling in my hand inside the pocket of my coat. Change that had been sitting there all week so I obviously would've been fine without it. However, I'm realizing that I make excuses or justify not going back all the time. It had me wondering how many people are like me? Not the ones who simply walk by without even a regard for the homeless or needy. But the ones who see them, think about them long after they leave their sight, the ones who even actually go back.

This thought is prompted by a volunteer event I'm headed to in about 3 hours. I'm volunteering at a church today for an event called "Don't Walk By" and I've made every excuse in my head as to why I should not go today. Then I recalled that story about the lady yesterday and started thinking of similar occurrences where I've been approached by the needy or walked by the homeless and said "I'll give to the next one" or "I don't believe in giving, you cant trust people these days". It did something to me, to my spirit, to realize the attitude I've carried on for years. I tried to recall the last time I did give to a complete stranger and couldn't find a date.

I woke this morning with anxiety about today's event and after praying for a Godly heart and mind I'm ready to take on the streets of East Harlem. I know that I cant save everyone and that today will just be a small token of contribution compared to the years of walking by that I've done. But having myself revealed to me this morning in such an unpleasing way to my God has me on reversal mode. I am positive that I will have a breakthrough today about how I view the homeless and less fortunate. I'm eagerly anticipating it actually. To be continued...

Peace yall!