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Thursday, June 30, 2011
You know that saying "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"? Well the more time I spend with my sister, the more I see that ALL of mama's apples fell close to the tree. Some may have rolled a little further away than others but still within range to be scarred by our past. I'm not saying this to call out her faults but as I observe her faults I evaluate myself. How I've been responding to her circumstances and also how her presence throws my comfort zone off balance and has set some faults off in me. Faults I haven't seen in a while or maybe I didn't want to see. I can be cool, calm, and collected most times but, man oh man, yall aint seen nothing like the wrath of me when my privacy is invaded. Or shall I say when my "perfect little world" gets turned inside out and sideways. The compulsive habits and need for control are on high alert these days and revealing some errors in my ways that need tending to. I observe myself now acting like an emotional roller coaster unable to control the urge to scream or cry or both. The temper tantrums that I've held back this past week can't be counted. Here I am thinking she's the crazy one and I'm the nutball losing my mind, Lmbo! She's drinking out of my favorite cup, she using all the toilet paper, her stuff is at every corner of my one bedroom apartment and the chaotic organization known as my life is so upside down as a result. I've never seen myself like this but I know this monster has got to go... I mean the monster in me... I wasn't calling my sister a monster, wink wink. But my point to this story is that initially I was stressing because I thought I'd want to throw her out of a window with her emotionally unstable fits and rage. And I've allowed her presence to unlock my emotionally unstable fits and rage. We're not that far off when you compare our behavior as of late. I'm basically just a more independent and self-motivated version of her. But I'm glad that mama's apples are being exposed because the first steps to healing are being aware and seeking help. I'm turning inward to heal my hurt soul of past issues rearing their ugly face and maybe healing some of hers too by exposing myself. God bless the dysfunctional families!