Yeah... so remember how I talked about the biggest lesson learned from my first play was taking on the assistant role in addition to being in the play? I knew there was a bigger lesson to be learned than simply how not to over extend myself. This experience is showing me that I really need to pray for discernment and wait on the Lord to bring me answers. It's kind of been one of those "I wish I knew then, what I know now" type of situations. Sometimes I move so fast in my Faith thinking that any deed that helps another person is what God would always want me to do. If someone ask for my help, I say yes sometimes without even considering the circumstances and consequences.
Throughout this two month journey I've vented and prayed equally about the unexpected stress and responsibility that came with making this decision. I kept going back and forth, asking myself "Is this where God wants me to be? How could this be what he has meant for me, its so hard, its so negative, its so stressful. I asked for his guidance and he didn't provide a way out so he must want this. Of course this is where God wants me to be, I'm extending myself to others who really need my assistance. I have an opportunity to show people a Godly way to handle challenging situations. I'm representing the light in this dark industry of entertainment".
Today I'm still a bit unsure of which way I'm supposed to go but I know without a doubt that wheteher I was destined to endure this experience or I walked into it against God's will, HE made certain that I learned some valuable lessons along the way:
1. Step back and observe the situation, the ENTIRE situation and allow myself to see things for what they really are. I feel Ive been strolling along down this path a bit blinded but its my own fault. Yes I asked God for guidance but I don't think I ever truly sat down and listened for His guidance. I guess I just assumed that it would be obvious if this wasn't where he wanted me. My Auntie says "Look for Jesus in everything" and I'm starting to say "If HE ain't there, than you shouldn't be either".
2. Patience and Caution with words are of the utmost importance when dealing with high stress situations. My Dad's bestie is always saying "Take the emotion out of the situation so you can think clearly". He is absolutely right, Ive sat back and watched several folks lose their tempers and speak out of line hastily. Heck I lost my temper a few times and surely spoke too soon and against my better judgement. Ive thus been very cautious to choose my words wisely and wait to assess the scene for what it truly is before I react.
3. Sow my seeds in the right ground. Lord Have Mercy because I talked about this in a previous blog and now I'm wondering if I planted some seeds in the wrong ground. I will always be a person that lends a helping hand and looks for the good in opportunities that others would quickly throw away. However, I need to get much wiser with choosing where I lend a hand and when my big heart (and big mouth) just needs to sit on down and keep quiet.
I thank God for allowing me to experience these trials and for sustaining me through it. I still have some decisions to make on how to proceed because Ive committed to a project that I must see through. My friends surely think I'm nuts for continuing with this experience but I have to at least see it through to the original commitment I signed on for. I'm just taking it one day at a time and one prayer at a time for that matter. I'm staying prayed up and asking for His guidance every step of the way and I know I'll be delivered to a stronger place after this journey is done.