Some days I tell God I don't want to take on anymore burden. I don't want to help another soul, hear another person's problem, lend another piece of advice or dollar to anyone. I want someone to help my soul, hear my problems, lend me some advice or a buck. And then each time I'm presented with a friend in need of talking, a family member in need of emotional or financial support, or a stranger looking to make a friend, my spirit is moved. I give in and rise to His occasion and lend to them what God has blessed to me. My shoulders are heavy and in need of the massaging of my own burden-sitter but I press on. It down right angers me some days, most days when I think about the souls that God places in my life to minister to and the loneliness I feel most days not having someone in the flesh here to cast my cares on. Internally I get angry and bare selfish thoughts and kick and scream. Externally I bare a smile and look for the words of wisdom to speak. I worry "What about me? If I give all of me to them, what about me, what of me will be left for me at days end? What mental capacity will be there to deal with my own problems? What finances will be there to pay my bills? What joy will be left there to encourage me if I've given so much to others?"
As I type this, Patti Labelle is singing "When you've been blessed, Pass it on!" I guess that's it, it doesn't matter if I want to take on these burdens, God is telling me I need to. In being obedient to Him I rise to these challenges understanding that I'm strong enough to endure. Also that in ministering to those He inserts into my life, I'm ministering to myself. I grow, learn and strengthen my Faith as I seek wisdom, love, peace, and patience to endure it all. I'm not complaining or maybe I am but that's OK because I can be honest with God and trust that he hears my concerns. Trust that He will continue to bless me so that I can be a blessing to others.
When I step back and really pray over the circumstances I'm reminded to be grateful and I'm honored actually. I find joy in these burdens because this means that God is favoring me, He must see something in me even if I don't see it in myself. So for that I'm joyful and feel worthy to receive these challenges. Sometimes I want to cry, even as I type I want to cry but I get confused because I don't know if the tears are because I can't handle it all or because I'm honored that He believes in me and knows I can handle it. It's possible to cry tears of joy and sadness, right? Everytime I have these thoughts of selfishness and anger, I try to remember that God wouldn't place more on me that I can endure. Well He surely knows something I don't know because I'm about to break at any moment or at least that's how I feel some days. And then on the other side of each day, at the end of each successfully conquered challenge I see what He knew. So the joy of my burden is knowing that God believes in me and sees strength in me to persevere and to pass on the knowledge to others. As others cast their cares on me, I will continue to cast my cares on Him because that's what matters. If I don't have anyone else to lean on but God then I'm just fine with that because my strength is the joy of the Lord. That strength allows me to take all this in and find a joy and peace amid the circumstances.
I encourage you to turn towards the burdens God is placing on you. Believe that He has provided you strength to endure and persevere. Trust that you are able to minister to yourself and keep Faith day after day, challenge after challenge, and finish the race wiser and joyful.