"Today's success doesn't last much after midnight. Tomorrow you'll have to do it all over again." "Isn't it amazing that we turn to others who have a perspective as limited and darkened as our own to discover our worth!" - the Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
Five days after completing the most profound and impacting class I've ever experienced, I'm stuck, unmotivated, and accomplishing much less than I planned. Each day I wake and feel this pressure to do a thousand things on my laundry list with very little motivation or awareness for how to start. I previously blogged about how business minded I tried to remain on the trip to Miami and I just knew I'd return back to NYC and be ready to roll. But perhaps not taking the trip for vacation leaves me with that classic "vacation from the vacation" feeling. I've been reading a new book "the Search for Significance" that in a nutshell talks about our need as human beings for approval. This search for approval outside of God and the fact that we will never be satisfied on that path. We follow this society opinion that we must always be in search of our next accomplishment, our next success, our next big money maker. Often, when we don't live up to society's measures we feel down and punish ourselves for the lack of accomplishment.
I'm learning that the approval I seek should come from God and my list of things-to-do as well. I wake each morning and update my board with new tasks and cross off completed ones. I get overwhelmed and begin kicking myself in the butt when nothing gets crossed off or even more so when I look at how many items are on that list. To the perfectionist of the world, "Why do we do this to ourselves?". The biggest lesson I'm learning from the book is that I'm awesome and great whether I complete my to do list or not. That my approval is not based on what "people" think but what God thinks. Understanding that some days if all I do is work on my inner being and teach her the lessons of life through God's commandments than I'm right on schedule with what I need to accomplish. See that's the thing, this "need" versus "want" mindset that we get caught up in can drive us crazy. I AM driving myself crazy attempting to be bigger and better and accomplish this and that to be successful. But what really defines my success? Is it Money? Praise from Friends and Strangers? Recognition with all the glitz and glam of a celebrity life? It shouldn't be and the more I mature spiritually the less those things define my success. Yes it is good to have goals and to strive towards something. But I see it in myself and others too often this need to keep pushing and pushing to meet some imaginary goal that only leads to another goal and we're never satisfied. Always wanting more than we have and never quite feeling accomplished and seeking outward for fulfillment. I'm at peace the most when I sit quietly and breathe and just take in the joy around me that God has provided. I get all flustered and frustrated when I'm striving to meet the deadlines I set for myself each day and miss the mark.
Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything so surely there is a time to rest and time to labor. I had to tell myself this morning that's its OK to come back from 5 days away and need to rest. My goals will still be attainable and life wont end because I'm not cranking away at the computer every second. I was so mentally exhausted trying to squeeze every ounce of fruit from that boot camp experience and now I need to gather my thoughts. The best way I know how to do that is sit and pray and search for the significance of my life according to the G-O-D!
Peace yall and Go search for your significance.