As I lay in bed reflecting on my behavior over the past few weeks, I ponder about my insecurities. What is it that makes us females insecure? Makes us doubt something in ourselves so strongly that we act out in ugly ways in an attempt to feel better? No matter how successful we become, how "pretty" we are, or how certain we are that inner beauty is more important. We often get this little monster inside of us that says something is wrong, off balanced, or not quite as perfect as we want it to be. We proceed to compare ourselves to others, lash out at the persons whom deny us that superficial validation, or other random acts that are guaranteed to disappointment our wounded mindset.
I've been praying this week for a release of negative thoughts and feelings. To let go of the things in me that welcome this behavior, these displays of low self-worth. There may always be hints of insecurity in me, traces of that teenage girl who didn't love her image, physically or spiritually. I know for certain that I will strengthen my inner voice day by day, if I just trust God's plan. Trust that He made me perfect for His purpose and not for my limited self-serving wants. Trust that my flaws and all are so bayooteefull and that whenever I seek validation to look up. Not left, not right, not even in the mirror at my reflection because no one can diminish me but myself and I do a great job of that. Just Look Up and pray for strength to battle my darkside and see the light. Amen? Amen!
- BJ Gianni