As I work on my list of imperfections I've been seeking inspiration and guidance from different churches that my friends and family attend. Yesterday, I went to church with my bestest friend.
My views on church and religion have always been private and I don't consider myself to be religious but definitely spiritual. I grew up dealing with a lot of hypocrisy around religion from my family, friends, and strangers. Even as an adult, I dealt with challenging issues around others faith and the decisions they make in the name of their Faith. So it was very overwhelming to attend church yesterday and finally feel comfortable enough to go up for Alter Call. Typically I attend church and I sit near the back, out of sight and just listen. I take what applies to me from the message of the Pastor and jot down a few notes and keep it moving. But there was something about the Pastor yesterday that made me feel at home. His message was about learning to "die" in a sense like Jesus did and rise above negativity in your world. In other words when something angers you, just smile and walk away versus cussing them out. When you feel rage or negative thoughts coming on simply pause and don't give into the evil thoughts and actions. The Pastor stated that Jesus could have used his powers and strike against those that wished harm to him but he didn't. Instead he chose to "die" and rise above it. He can explain it a lot better than I can but his message really touched me. Especially because I'm faced with challenges each day that pluck at my temper and I have to make the decision each time to either give into the evil or be the bigger person. My father popped into my mind often during his sermon because he has always been able to walk away or turn the other cheek in situations where I would have lost IT. Perhaps the Pastor reminded me of my father and that brought an ease to me. So after an hour long sermon it was time for Alter Call and I knew with certainty that this was finally the church finally the time in my life to step forward and sincerely ask for guidance with my anger and other challenges. The church member who prayed over me started with "Peace Be Still", reminding me that all I have to do when faced with challenging situations is just turn to God and ask for his help. I want Peace in my life more than ever and the quote simply put means if you want peace then Be Still, do nothing, turn to God and let him fight that battle for you. Alter Call was so refreshing and of course I cried the whole time she prayed over me because this was a major step for me. Exposing myself in this way to strangers and in a place that is so unfamiliar to me... "church". I jumped over a major hurdle in church and I'm considering joining this church, yes I said it, join a church. I still have a lot to learn and a lot of hurt and pain to let go, but I believe yesterday to be the beginning of a Bayooteefull chapter of my life. So Peace will be unto me as I "Be Still".