As I cool my jets, I type this entry on the bus to Baltimore. Irritated by the "way too laid back" demeanor an old boyfriend has while making my travel arrangements to Miami. I fly out tomorrow and still don't know where I'm staying. But why should I be surprised, procrastination was always one of his stronger suits. "Why am I even going to visit him..." you ask? As a part of my journey to be more spiritual and be happy I've found that I need to let go of anger and forgive the grudges Ive been holding onto. The 4-year relationship I shared with this man was filled with anger and lack of trust and so many other negative feelings that spilled into every relationship I've attempted to have in the two years that I haven't been with him. That's a big chip to carry on ones shoulders and my shoulders are ready to be free.
This upcoming weekend in Miami (where he currently resides) is all about seeing his world and the maturity that he has hopefully found and letting go and being OK with our past mistakes so I can move on and be happy in love. That is, whenever LOVE decides to come find me :-) Anywho, I know him better than most so I don't why I relied on him to take care of my hotel stay. Especially when I've been so independent and self sufficient without him; being cheap I guess. Or maybe I needed to see if his frugal procrastinating ways had improved...hmmm? So, the saga will continue on this subject when I return from Miami on Tuesday. Lets move on to a few good men ;-)
Yesterday I had two great conversations with educated, independent, successful Black men. One was an old friend who I care for dearly and the other a new acquaintance that may turn out to be a pleasant surprise. My lifetime of bullshit and nonsense has me on a very short leash of patience when it comes to men so this was very refreshing.
My conversation with the new friend was all about positive energy, following dreams, having goals and making plans to achieve them. Its not often that I have intellectual conversations like this because most guys cant get past thinking about "hitting the draws" long enough to get inside my head first. We chatted about his growing business and his struggle to maintain a life balance between his dream and his "9 to 5". We also share a passion for motivational quotes so we admired the quotes on my wall throughout our dialogue. He stopped by to pick up the cookies that I baked for him, which doesn't even sound like me, because Domestic is definitely not my middle name. I find myself in a transitional stage in my life as I begin to desire certain domestic expectations a man would have for his woman. We have plans to work out together some day which is another check off the list of "The New and Improved Requirements to get with BJ"...lmao. We shall see what the future holds for this new acquaintance... stay tuned!
Now as for the old friend that I hold near and dear to my heart... I had to politely push the newbie out the door because I couldn't wait to get back on the phone to finish our convo from earlier. I'd been out of touch with this friend for at least 3months and it has been even longer since Ive seen him. This was probably the most honest, free, intimate conversation we've had in my opinion. But then again I hang on this man's every word so he could've been talking about poop and I would've been like "that sounds amazing, tell me more". He obviously had a lot on his mind and he shared different situations of his life with me and it just felt great to be a lending ear, to have him be comfortable enough to share with me, and to step out of my world and into his. All too often "we" assume we know people or pass judgement when we have no idea what they are really going through. Not that I would wish anything but the best for him, but it was nice to hear his problems. It somehow made me feel closer to him as we share the same dilemmas. In the past, he always said its all about the timing and I'm not sure if now is the time for this man to come back into my life. But I look forward to many more heart to hearts with him.
Back to the future. This weekend will be about forgiveness and peace. While I am appreciative for the two good men I've shared moments with last night. I am nervous and excited at the same time to see how, and IF, my past has transformed and if he will be a part of my future.
Ladies if you're fortunate enough to have a "good man", hold on to him and treat him right. Signing off from Crazyland...