Today is a day of frustration, an emotion I know all too well. In the past, I'd run to the closet party or boy toy I could find. Partying was always the easiest way to avoid any problems. Whether I would call up an old boyfriend (aka bad habits), go club hopping with the homies, or (on really rough days) a combination of both. Ive had endless nights of dancing, flirting, and unlimited drinks passed my way followed by 48-hour hangovers and nonproductive days. So much to the point where a day didn't go by that didn't include a cocktail or two. There was always an EXCUSE to drink: rough day playing nurse to my mom, argument with the boyfriend, family drama gave me a headache, someone at work just pissed me off, and on and on. But this is where the maturity steps in and says you cant always run from challenges because they will certainly catch up to you. So these days I pray and smile and pray and cry and pray. Of course, my challenges compared to others could seem minuscule, petty even, but this is a story about my life and everyone's problems are significant to them.
Ive always been impatient and quick tempered but with that I have always been determined to make opportunities for me and stay in control so I don't lose my temper. Let's just say those opportunities are few and far between up here in the cold streets of New York. It was easy to excel and stand out in other cities I lived in, but up here girls like me appear to come a dime a dozen. Now I don't say that to de-value myself, I love me and there will never be another exactly like me. But in the big city there are a million beautiful, self motivated, talented, hungry, tall light skinned curly haired girls running around chasing the same dream as me. So how does one stay true to who they are while becoming what this industry expects you to be? I don't know the answer but I do know prayer helps me to be patient while that answer is slowly revealed. Today I have a hefty load of personal and business challenges. I'm learning to accept the things I cant change and certainly gaining the courage to change the things that are within my power.
From friendships to love relationships to financial opportunities to my journey in Faith, my mind never stops spinning. The older I get the easier it becomes to take on life's challenges and take the bitter with the sweet. I try to step outside of myself each day and evaluate my actions for self-improvement. I know I'm far from perfect and that's OK.
I will start to dig deeper in this blog and even mention specifics, I'm still trying to decide where to start and where to go with it. For now I'm off to make some lemonade out of the challenges in front of me today. It's gonna taste yummy ;-)