A Friend?

Amigo! 朋友! صديق! amico! venn! друг!

No matter what language you say it in a friend is a friend or at least thats how it should be, right? I started this entry back in June 2010 and never got past the first sentence. Im revisiting it again today (January 2011) and wonder if I'll finish and even more so have the balls to send it if i do finish. I have to ask myself why is a blog about friendship so challenging to write and what might I be afraid to say in this entry that makes me hesitant? I did an exercise this morning where i had to rate the level of fulfillment in certain areas of my life. Friends, romance, spirituality, play, work, and exercise were the categories. Ironically, I knew without a doubt that i felt fulfilled in the friends category. I compared that ranking against the other categories and said "Yeah, that's right, i have some really awesome friends". It didn't sit so well with me that I ranked myself low in the spirituality category and I immediately knew why i feel this way. Another exercise was to draw a circle and write topics and people who support you in it that you want to protect for now and people you may want to stay away from for now on the outside. These are exercises to help find your creativity and protect your artist in the meantime. It was very interesting as i pondered where names should go. Even more so, people who i couldn't place in either part of the circle that i would have imagined would be a no brainer. This effects my feelings about my spirituality because some of those names on the outer circle are there simply because i cant find it in my heart to love these people even with a Godly love I'm still hesitant with these people. It weighs me down to admit that I cant find positive energy for some people and that i can't show them the same love that God shows me. I have to look deeper into that. The names of friends that had no placement on the paper are equally disturbing. I need to take a deeper look into these relationships and into myself and see what's missing or what the challenge is. I've come to a pre-mature conclusion that friends are not just friends, like it's some sort of word you just throw around and say "oh that's just a friend". Friends are people, human beings with lives and circumstances just like me. Circumstances that shape them and effect how they act and interact with me and vice versa. Not all people are meant to be friends, not all friendships are meant to or will last forever. I am certain of one thing, that all friendships and relationships, for that matter, have a purpose and a course to run. Sometimes what seems like a doomed friendship can turn into the best you've ever known while stronger ones die down and come to an end. I guess that with any relationship that may be coming to an end or beginning, you just have to be honest with yourself and them. Do you need this person in your life, can you handle this person in your life, will having this person in your life make you a better person? It's nice when the answer is yes, but, when it's no or a ridiculously huge question mark, the challenge begins. To be continued...

Peace y'all!