Home Sick

"There is no greater agony that bearing an untold story inside you" - Maya Angelou

I haven't blogged in a week and I wasn't sure what to write about today. I told myself there doesn't always have to be something bad or something juicy to write about. This blog was meant to be like a journal for me, a way to express the thoughts and stories inside of me. So I'll just speak from my heart and let out whats inside of me. I've been all over the place this past week, my nieces bday party in DE, Sex and the City movies with the college friends in VA, spending QT with my homie in Bmore, chilling with my Daddy in DC, and I only stayed at my apartment in Jersey one day. I think if I had to give a theme for this past week it would be "Home Sick".

I see my sisters and nieces maybe once a month, sometimes even less, and it always feels great to see my babies. My youngest niece is starting to talk and the oldest one turned six and the middle one acts more like her mother every time I see her. They grow up so fast and if you blink you miss it all. I was fortunate to have an amazing Auntie growing up and I would love to give that to my nieces. I wish I could spend more time with them and turn them into divas like me... hee hee hee, so they can drive their mama crazy just like we did ours. I got to see my baby sissie and her boyfriend too at the bday party. I always worry about her because she's my baby too and I think she finally found a good guy to be with and seems to be really happy so I worry less about her which makes me extremely happy. As I watched my sisters interact with their mates it touches a sensitive spot for me because I'm the only single sibling. My brother is also married with kids in Texas and I'm going to see him next week for his sons high school graduation, man I'm getting old. Anywho, seeing them happy in love makes me a bit sad sometimes that I still haven't found a suitable candidate...lol but I know itll happen for me in time. I'm always happy to my siblings and appreciate all the time we share.

Sex and the City 2 was a fantabulous movie and I can never get enough of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and of course Samantha. My girlfriends always look at me when Samantha does something crazy and say "that's you BJ". I'll take that because she definitely lives by her own set of rules and flips the bird to anyone who dare challenge her... ha ha ha. Of course I got all dolled up with my makeup and cute dress and heels, wouldn't be me if I didn't. We went out for dinner and drinks afterwards and then after a yummy Margarita I zoomed safely over to Georgetown for my girls bday party. Didn't take long before the cocktails, champagne, and shots were passed my way. Oh lawd, "I have to get up early people, stop it stop it OK this is the last one"...I'm such a pushover. We drank and danced and took a million pictures and made tons of memories that night. I had a great time with all my friends at home and again wish I had more time to spend with them. More time to sit and just listen to whats new with them or let them drive me crazy cuz that's what friends do. But I love them.

My time in Bmore was very emotional this week with my "homie", lets call him Shrek. I've known him for over a year and we've gotten closer over the past few months. There isn't a topic that's off limits with us so its very refreshing to have this kind of male friend. He's like my go-to-guide to understand how men think and it has helped me put a lot into perspective about my past relationships with men. It's scary to trust someone enough to open yourself up and be 100% vulnerable around them. Shrek makes everything so easy for me and I am so appreciative for that. Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't find a way to complicate things :-/ I've never known this kind of honesty and friendship from a man so its addictive and I definitely want more now. Not just more from him but more from any man in any type of relationship. My expectations have changed because he has shown me that not all men are bums and assholes (although the ones I've dated in the past definitely fit that description). Even if Shrek and I just remain friends, I feel confident that I will find someone to make my Daddy proud and make me ohhhhh so very happy in love. And once again, I wish I had more time to spend with Shrek but everything happens for a reason and in time.

It goes without saying that I spent time with my Dad during this week. He had a leak from the AC unit so I helped him clean it up and drain water after I stumbled home at 3am from the Georgetown party. I sobered right up and put on sweatpants to climb up in the ceiling and help the old man. We spent the next morning doing the same thing and then I called a repair man to come out at 7am the next day because enough was enough. He barely spoke English and it was hilarious listening to my father try to communicate with him. My dad was speaking very slow and broken English sentences as if that would help the man understand him. I love my Daddy and I enjoy being there for moments like this when he needs me. It makes me sad to think of him being alone and not having someone there to help him if he wanted or needed it. I wish I could always be there for my father whenever he needed anything so he would never feel alone or sad. I know that's a big wish but I still dream big just like a five year old and all kids look up to their parents and want to see them happy.

Soooo... I'm definitely Home Sick and there is no substitution for the remedy. All I need is some good ole quality time with my friends, family, and loved ones. I just accepted a bartending job in DC on the weekends so at least I'm making some money down here in between spending time with the fam. I still have rent and bills to pay in NJ and a life to live and career to build so I know I cant always be home. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone elses and I know I'm challenged with my two worlds in New York and DC. These challenges are simply steps towards my greatness and will not be overlooked. Its always great to come home after a long rough week in NY to my family here in DC. I'm humbled by all the people and opportunities that continue to come my way and thank God everyday for giving me this life.

I started writing this entry early yesterday morning so now I've made new memories and stories this weekend that I'll share in the next entry. I start the bartending job tonight and I'm so nervous but I know how to adapt to new surroundings so this should be a "piece of pie". Ill chat with yall soon, signing Home Sick and Happy!