I don't know what the hell is wrong with me or maybe "hell" or some negative spirits is what's wrong with me. I still can't believe I even said it. It was like in that split second, I thought "I been working in the sun for two days, just got off 3 hours ago and I'm on this 730am 4-hour long bus, so naw lady your rugrat can't sit with me, keep it movin!". Now I know people think this all the time but what made me say it??? It came out with no hesitation, well a brief hesitation. I had a flashback of her screaming at one of her boys earlier before I boarded the bus. So she says "Yes one of my kids" which in her mind meant "Beee-yach, did you just talk bad about my kids?". As I proceeded to move my bookbag she was like "Don't worry about it" which in her mind meant "We don't need yo damn seat no way!". Now I'm in my seat and more people board and a lady sits next to me and I didn't even think twice about huffing and puffing because I know she won't be bumping me and screaming back to her brother or mother in the seat behind her. I started to feel so bad, I mean my conscience kicked in through all the drowsiness of my 90 minutes of sleep last night. So much that it hurt me that I hurt her. People were still boarding and moving around but I was like I gotta get up right now and apologize. Apologize E-MEE-CHEE-IT-LEE BJ! I walk back and find her and tell her that this was outside of my character and what I said to her was really rude and I apologized. She just looked at me and said very lightly "OK". That's all I could ask for as I ran back to my seat with my tail between my legs. I still felt so bad that I started to tear up as I sulked in my seat. I had to tell myself that I'm human and that I make mistakes but I apologized and learned a lesson today which is all I'm obligated to do. It disturbed me so much what I had done that as tired as I was I couldn't go to sleep. I was being ugly and God don't like ugly so he gave me heavy conscience at that moment as my punishment which I totally deserved.
The lesson learned here is to myself and anyone reading. Its not always all about you, the person next to you can be just as tired or just as broke or just as whatever you may be going through and worse. When it is all about you make sure its all about how YOU treat others, and what wrongs can YOU make right, or what kind of person do YOU want to be remembered as and act as such. My Daddy aint raise no fool and I was sure acting like one. I'm just so thankful that I had the courage to swallow that lump in my throat and apologize. For all I know she could be traveling to see a sick loved one or leaving a horrible relationship or something else traumatic and I just made her day that much worse by being rude.
You never know who you talking to when you speak so you should choose your words wisely. Humbled and Tired, signing off!
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