This passage about baking a cake, spoke to me because I'm currently laying out my distasteful behaviors and facing them and sending them up to God to make me better. I'm witnessing so many dark thoughts and feelings I have inside and it is somewhat embarrassing to myself. Its like I'm living this life but I'm also stepping outside of myself and watching me. I've been beating myself up by some of what i see in me. I keep reminding myself that I deserve my own love and forgiveness first before i can offer it to anyone else. So every time i think a nasty thought, i apologize to myself and then forgive myself. I can say that I've been apologizing to myself a lot lately. It had me frustrated and ready to give up initially. Asking myself and God "If i believe in you more now than i ever have and you know my hearts intentions, why do you let me think this way, why do you not stop these feelings and make me happy and peaceful all the time?" I'm realizing that its not that easy and as a good friend said "he will surely break me down before he builds me up". I cant expect that now because my Faith is stronger that i will automatically change my ways. Matured spirituality takes time and diligence and is not promised to be perfect or sugar coated or easy. My Faith is in the infancy stage and I have to learn to crawl and fall down several times before i can walk.
The ingredients of my cake are jealousy, anger, gossip, promiscuity, cursing, alcohol, judgement, and then some. I know that none of these ingredients are Christ-like and at the same time i know that I'm human and will go through these things in life. I am learning to love me and forgive me for all my previous and future sins and trust that God is baking an amazing cake with these ingredients that are my life experiences.
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