Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Too Perfect to Plan

So it's Day 3 of the family cruise to Barbados and the Virgin Islands. It's been interesting to say the least. Let's recap... I came down with a bad cold as soon as we sailed and have been in the bed most of the first two days. My sis in law caught whatever i have and she spent the last day in bed and in pain. My brother's back gave out on him so he's in constant pain. My sister got a migraine from being in the sun all day in Barbados and she spent most of the day in bed. My baby sis is naturally a hypochondriac so she always has something going on. That leaves my dad who always has ankle pain and my nephew who is in heaven right now because he can drink and gamble on the ship at the age of 19. I realized at dinner that if anyone were watching us on camera these first few days they would definitely think we were a pill popping hypochondriac My teenage "hormone-enraged, all over the place, cant remember nothing but where da party at" nephew is as normal as we get right now.

Today was the day we spread my mothers ashes in Barbdaos and it was nothing like i expected it to be. I think i envisioned a very dramatic emotional moment and it was far from that. We got off the ship to be bombarded by taxi drivers encouraging us to take a trip to this beach and that beach for 100 bucks. Followed by my brother walking around to different drivers to see who he could hustle for a cab deal. He said if they're charging $100, Im gonna get it for $50. My baby sister decided she had to get her free gift they promised at 10am so she didnt want to go to the beach yet. Im thinking "Really??? Didnt we come here to place our mother to rest and you worried about a cheap gold charm gift". Had to take a deep breathe and just listen to the island music on that one. My dad is always the peace maker so he took her inside and she got her way and then we went to find my brother. We ended up paying $60 to go to a beach about 15 minutes from the pier for 2 hours. We get to the beach and it's not as secluded as we thought it would be for our intended purpose. Were immediately greeted again by the locales offering jet skis, beach chairs, and bottled water for purchase. We opt for two out of three, lounging in the chairs while we sip our water and watch others splash around in the ocean. Keeping in the back of my mind, that we only have two hours to find a location, spread the ashes and get back to the cab, im scoping out places while I kick around and take pictures with my sisters. I see something that looks like a pier to walk out on and decide to go check it out. My nephew follows behind me and joins for the walk. We bypass the pier and proceed to a set of rocks that run along the water that look like the perfect spot. We arrive, after taking the ten minute walk in the 100 degree sun in jeans for him and a long black dress for me. Although the rocks were covered with what i can only describe as "spider crabs" and hermit crabs it was the perfect location. There weren't any people on that end of the beach and the rocks provided the cliff-like atmosphere we desired. We took a few pics and, as sick as i was, i challenged my nephew to a jog back to our chair rentals. After a few frustrating comments from the family about the distance to the rocks in the heat, we gathered our stuff and started the long journey to our mothers final resting place. Sweated out and in need of more water we place our bags down and got ready to climb the rocks. One problem...neither my dad or brother could climb the rocks and my sis in law was like "yeah right". We settled for walking in the ocean right in front of the rocks then drifted out further then we planned. Instead of taking a peaceful moment to say words and strategically place the ashes, we rushed and laughed and screamed at one another to hurry up and release them. "These waves are getting too high" "I'm not trying to get my whole outfit wet" "Turn to the camera so she can see the ashes flying" "Look there's a big fish coming!". I quickly dumped the remainder of the ashes into the water while trying to hold my dress up so i didn't take any with me...lmao. It was the most unexpected, unplanned, non-strategic ceremony anyone could have ever done for their loved one, which made it the most sincere heart-filled perfect moment because that's my family at its best. I may try to plan every detail out and prepare for incidentals. But when it comes to life, love, and family you can plan these things, you have to let them be. My nephew kept chasing the fish as my sister yelled for him to stop because it turned out to be a baby shark. I lost my flip flops in the commotion and me and my sisters found them in separate locations of the water. Still cant believe i found them, but the water is so clear that you can see anything when the sand settles. We all walked away from the rocks completely soaked and sweaty, but laughing and happy. We finally, after almost two years, placed Tia Juana Clarke as she wished in the waters of her favorite vacation spot, Barbados.

I thank God again for making this trip possible and for giving us the strength to pull together as a family for moments like this. Also, for not allowing any of us to be thrown over board by any one of us... YET! 4 more days to go.

Peace y'all.

Sent from my iPad


  1. That was a beautiful story. Life is about the moments we share. How we share them doesn't matter because when someone is gone, whether on bad or good terms, we miss them.

  2. Tia wouldn't have wanted it any other way. From what I have learned about your mom, she wouldn't have wanted a stuffy, conventional release to her resting place. I know she looked down on all of you smiling from ear to ear!! <3

  3. I'm glad its finally done. I was so nervous and expected evryone to be extra emotional. But we weren't. At least not on the outside. It was a really fun moment and I'm greatful for the opportunity that we had to go to such a beautiful place and fulfill our mother's wishes. She is at peace now.