I started by writing this in my journal but it'll be my blog entry for the day as well.
I'm so thinking about playing hookie from this casting today. I didn't respond to the agency until well after the office was closed last night to confirm that I'd be there. I awake this morning to feelings of regret because I don't really want to go. I'm not sure if its because I've convinced myself that this industry has been the tool to bring out my darkness and I'm using that as an excuse to be lazy. Or am I really truly done with the ups and downs of daily castings, grumpy New Yorkers, hustle and bustle and so on. Even after a few days of peace in my NJ apartment, I always return to the city for castings angry. Stomping the pavement in a hurry, even if I'm not in a rush, to get to this appointment, gotta make it here in five minutes, can't be late for this one its a BIGGY! I could be having a good day and I'd find myself walking with somewhat of a frown on my face for no good reason, not that there is a good reason to have a frown on your face. I heard some say that NYC is the Devil's playground ... hmmmmmm! I've been learning that my journey with God and my spiritual maturity will not come from seclusion. It is just as important to interact with other believers and non-believers as it is important to have alone time with God. You don't know how strong your Faith is until tested by others. I know I can't hide in my apartment forever but can't I get one more day, today...Pretty please? Lol
I probably won't go to the casting but I will make a promise to myself to seek answers to my questions about my current occupation. I return from my trip next Monday and that'll give me over a week to have talks with God and talks with myself and prayerfully take the next step towards my new or re-prioritize purpose.
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