Monday, March 28, 2011


Jealous, Angry, Frustrated, Difficult, Uncooperative, Negative, and Selfish. These are all characteristics of my behavior over the past few weeks. To the outsider they may not have been so obvious and then again maybe to some they have been. Either way I've been so convicted of these behaviors that my daily prayers have been a request for a renewal of the renewed mindset I thought I had received. Request to censor myself or pause until my words, actions, and thoughts match those of a loving nature. My mind is a powerful thing and the thoughts I allow to enter have been sowing some not so nice seeds. I'm still involved in my community work, I share motivating conversations and knowledge with friends, and I seek new opportunities to help others each day. But I still feel that my spirit is lower than usual and definitely not on it's intended path. God wouldn't be proud of some of the thoughts and words I've expressed lately. But we all fall short and stumble at times, the maturity kicks in when I can check myself and realize my short comings then pray for forgiveness and guidance to turn them around.

The biggest conviction thats been weighing me down is jealousy or this notion that I have to compete with other people to win something or beat another to a goal. Its been coming at me from all areas, in auditions, in organizations I work with, in conversations to get the last word in or the most impacting words. Maybe jealousy isn't the right word, unhealthy competition is more like it. In my readings I'm learning that a jealous mind is a selfish mindset, a limiting mindset. It implies that the universe or God are not great enough to supply my needs and desires while also fulfilling the next persons dreams and purposes. How can I believe that God is all knowing and all powerful and abundant and not believe that he can produce more than one great accomplishment at a time? If I believe that Im worthy of having my prayers answered than how dare I allow jealousy or competition into my world and think the person next to me isn't worthy? I'm breaking habits of that narrow thinking, feeling that I need to size up an opponent or de-value someone in my mind to feed my self-worth. If the Universe has it written for me than I shall have it regardless of the next person's beliefs, talents, or behavior.

I read in I Corinthians 12 about the different gifts that we're given that form a complete "body" for Christ. Basically, if I'm the hands and another person the feet, we serve two different purposes but we are part of a larger unit that is a complete package with a bigger purpose. The foot shouldn't desire to do the hands work and the hands shouldn't be envious of the foot's work. Even if one feels they can easily fulfill the other's purpose, they should stay focused on their intended purpose and understand that they're right where God wanted them to be. It doesn't mean the hands are more or less important than the other members that make up the body. We all have a purpose in this world and I need to remind myself to stay centered and focused on mine so that I can fulfill what I was sent here to do.

So for me, there is no need to be combative or defensive and limit myself or God's plan for the blessings in my life. I can be a team player and support others on their journey to greatness while I walk up my own path to greatness. I want to be free and open and limitless to receive all that is meant for me. I know that the Universe can bless me and the next person simultaneously, there is enough greatness for all of God's children. My battle should be with myself to keep my mind free of negative boundaries which produce non loving words and actions. This thing called Life is a never ending learning process and I'm always humbled by how much further I have to grow even when I know I've grown a great deal. Thank you God for the Countless Life Lessons I continue to receive.

Peace y'all!

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